We had seen Oliver Stone's "World Trade Center" in the theaters when it came out. Mr. Stone, not known for avoiding controversy, had done a really nice job of portraying what occur ed according to two of New York's bravest and their loved ones and others involved in the rescue mission on 9/11. His movie touched me in the theaters--working with policemen, I had been totally frustrated at the number of miscommunication on the Port Authority PD's behalf, and of course I was then devastated by the loss of so many lives, not just the lives of the emergency personnel, but ALL the lives at all the various locations of attacks and the lives on board United 93. Anyway, I digress...I had managed not to cry while we were at the theater, I think because such a deep sorrow and rage was still in me.
This past weekend (well, my weekend) we bought a copy of WTC, and I took it to work. Last night we watched it with the officers that were on duty, and it was like I was watching a totally different movie because I was watching it with officers. Stupid, huh, that I felt different watching it this time...it still hurts to watch a remake of that day, and it was interesting that before the opening shots even hit the screen, we were talking about where we were that day, how we heard, what we thought at the time. It doesn't matter where you are an officer/dispatcher/detention officer--we're all part of that family, and it transcends city, county and state boundaries. We all hurt for each other, and this reopened--ever so gently--the wounds that I'm not sure time will ever heal. I hate watching grown men cry--it's a true raw emotion, even while they're attempting to hide it. How vulnerable are we all...
Even more interesting is that it opened an avenue for a co-worker and I that are on total opposite ends of the spectrum politically to talk about our thoughts on the war in Iraq, and our mutual pride in our troops. Maybe I'm just more melancholy today because it's the last week that our "adopted" son is in town on his leave from the Army, and realistically we know that this may be the last time we see him before his deployment to Iraq.
And on that note, I think I'll go to bed.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Eyes are EVERYWHERE Part II
So I guess I have to be more aware of my surroundings and be the eyes for everyone else--you know, pay back for them watching me. And my list of whom I have to watch for and recognize has just grown. Example:
Tonight we were exiting the movie theater and I heard a voice say "hey," like it was directed at me. Dutifully, I turned around quickly with a smile and then whipped back around--just to realize it was a fireman that I am supposed to know, and should have recognized. So like a fool, I turned back around, went over and shook his hand, and made some stupid comment about not being used to seeing him out of uniform. You're a MORON, Kate. It's not like firemen are always in uniform, ready to go. And I had just seen him on Tuesday...as in yesterday. Duh!
On a side note, don't ask a fireman if "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" is realistic. They don't seem to have the same sense of humor as most of my officers...and now I not only have to recognize this guy (who's a higher up at the fire department), but now I have to figure out how to get my foot out of my mouth next time I see him.
Tonight we were exiting the movie theater and I heard a voice say "hey," like it was directed at me. Dutifully, I turned around quickly with a smile and then whipped back around--just to realize it was a fireman that I am supposed to know, and should have recognized. So like a fool, I turned back around, went over and shook his hand, and made some stupid comment about not being used to seeing him out of uniform. You're a MORON, Kate. It's not like firemen are always in uniform, ready to go. And I had just seen him on Tuesday...as in yesterday. Duh!
On a side note, don't ask a fireman if "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" is realistic. They don't seem to have the same sense of humor as most of my officers...and now I not only have to recognize this guy (who's a higher up at the fire department), but now I have to figure out how to get my foot out of my mouth next time I see him.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Eyes are EVERYWHERE
A good reminder of why it's important to remember that while Big Brother may not be watching every move you make, someone else almost always sees you.
I came into work tonight and an officer came in shortly after me and made a comment about "and I thought _____ was in a bad mood until I saw you." Nevermind that I was standing up with a big smile on my face (that's how I greet every man in uniform, ha ha ha--sorry hubby) or that I was laughing when he came in. Nope, apparently he and another officer were on their way into work and passed me at a stop light and I looked mad. I guess listening to Kelly Clarkson makes me put on my angry face. Even the second officer agreed that I looked mad. So from now on I will drive with a big toothy grin and dance along to the music.
Guess I'll have to remember to make sure that my clothes match, makeup is on, hair is combed and there's not spinach in my teeth from now on :)
I came into work tonight and an officer came in shortly after me and made a comment about "and I thought _____ was in a bad mood until I saw you." Nevermind that I was standing up with a big smile on my face (that's how I greet every man in uniform, ha ha ha--sorry hubby) or that I was laughing when he came in. Nope, apparently he and another officer were on their way into work and passed me at a stop light and I looked mad. I guess listening to Kelly Clarkson makes me put on my angry face. Even the second officer agreed that I looked mad. So from now on I will drive with a big toothy grin and dance along to the music.
Guess I'll have to remember to make sure that my clothes match, makeup is on, hair is combed and there's not spinach in my teeth from now on :)
Monday, July 23, 2007
40 of The Most Random Questions You Will Ever Fill Out
I love survey things, so here goes!
40 of The Most Random Questions You Will Ever Fill Out
1) What side of the heart do you draw first? Left
2) Can you dive without plugging your nose? Not without totally grossing myself out because of the water going UP my nose!
3) What color is your razor? Purple
4) What is your blood-type? O neg
5) Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours? I don't think there's one person I'd like to be tied to at all unless it's a 3-legged race.
6) What is a rumor someone has spread about you? Nothing I care to share with the world...most rumors are false anyway!
7) How do you feel about carrots? I like carrots, especially in carrot cake or with dip. YUM!
8) How many chairs at the dining room table? 3 of one set and 1 of another...that's next on our list of furniture to replace, we just need a house big enough!
9) Which is the best Spice Girl? We'll have to wait for the reunion tour to determine that! Just kidding, I don't even remember all of them...
10) Do you know what time it is? 0106
11) Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince Theme Song? yes "smell ya later!"
12) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator? Hope the guy next to me showered.
13) What’s your favorite kind of gum? Totally can't chew gum any more...jaw has arthritis :( Used to love spearmint unless it was Bubbalicious, and then it had to be Strawberry.
14) All’s fair in love and war? Only say it as a sarcastic comment now.
15) Do you have a crush on anyone? I like to admire God's work :) but crush on my husband :)
16) Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning? I'll never reveal it if I don't know what the word means.
17) Do you like to sleep? That's the only sport I excel at! Wish I was getting more sleep these days.
18) Do you know which US states don’t use Daylight Savings Time? I know Arizona doesn't. I think there's probably another state too :)
19) Do you know the words to the song Total Eclipse of the Heart? Once the music starts...that's the Turnaround song!
20) Do you want a bright yellow ‘06 mustang? Who's giving it away?
21) What’s something you’ve always wanted? To be one of those people who have to work really hard to gain weight
22) Do you have hairy legs? Not right now, I just shaved
23) What does “Semper Fidelis” stand for? "Always Faithful" (had to google the Fidelis part)
24) Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake? Assuming we had an ocean or a lake around, I'd swim in either! Water would be a novelty
25) Do you wear a lot of black? More than I used to
26) Describe your hair. It's a couple of inches below my shoulders, brown with reddish/blonde highlights that are way overdue to be touched up and usually in a ponytail or bun because I don't know how to style it like the hairdresser did.
27) Do you have Entomophobia? YES. I hate the wiggly things, creepy crawly things and things that don't have legs or that have more than four legs.
28) Are you an adult? Yes, most of the time.
29) Where is/are your best friend(s)? At home asleep, I hope!
30) Do you have a tan? Not even a little one anymore since I think sunlight would kill me.
31) Are you addicted to TV? Probably; I watch way too much. So much I can't even keep up with it on the DVR.
32) Do you enjoy spending time with your mother? Yup!
33) Are you a sugar freak? So much so that I convinced my work partner to make cupcakes and now we have 48 for the 2 of us. I guess we could share with the officers...
34) What happened to number 34? Like the question 34 or in general? In general, my guess is that it doesn't feel superior to 35 but better than 33.
35) What sign are you? Sag, but I don't believe in astrology
36) Where do you wish you were right now? Asleep in bed or on a sandy beach or anywhere but here!
37) Who did you copy this from? the-graham-crackers.blogspot.com
38) How do you know them? Just stumbled upon them...and may be back there! It lead to a bunch of other really good blogs--see what happens when you spy!
39) Have you kissed anyone in the past week? My husband...maybe my mommy...my pets...other people's children (but not just random children, like sorority sister kids)
40) Favorite thing to wear to bed? I love pjs and lounge wear, so I don't have just one favorite! And if it's really hot, I like just the comforter :) There's an image for you!
40 of The Most Random Questions You Will Ever Fill Out
1) What side of the heart do you draw first? Left
2) Can you dive without plugging your nose? Not without totally grossing myself out because of the water going UP my nose!
3) What color is your razor? Purple
4) What is your blood-type? O neg
5) Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours? I don't think there's one person I'd like to be tied to at all unless it's a 3-legged race.
6) What is a rumor someone has spread about you? Nothing I care to share with the world...most rumors are false anyway!
7) How do you feel about carrots? I like carrots, especially in carrot cake or with dip. YUM!
8) How many chairs at the dining room table? 3 of one set and 1 of another...that's next on our list of furniture to replace, we just need a house big enough!
9) Which is the best Spice Girl? We'll have to wait for the reunion tour to determine that! Just kidding, I don't even remember all of them...
10) Do you know what time it is? 0106
11) Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince Theme Song? yes "smell ya later!"
12) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator? Hope the guy next to me showered.
13) What’s your favorite kind of gum? Totally can't chew gum any more...jaw has arthritis :( Used to love spearmint unless it was Bubbalicious, and then it had to be Strawberry.
14) All’s fair in love and war? Only say it as a sarcastic comment now.
15) Do you have a crush on anyone? I like to admire God's work :) but crush on my husband :)
16) Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning? I'll never reveal it if I don't know what the word means.
17) Do you like to sleep? That's the only sport I excel at! Wish I was getting more sleep these days.
18) Do you know which US states don’t use Daylight Savings Time? I know Arizona doesn't. I think there's probably another state too :)
19) Do you know the words to the song Total Eclipse of the Heart? Once the music starts...that's the Turnaround song!
20) Do you want a bright yellow ‘06 mustang? Who's giving it away?
21) What’s something you’ve always wanted? To be one of those people who have to work really hard to gain weight
22) Do you have hairy legs? Not right now, I just shaved
23) What does “Semper Fidelis” stand for? "Always Faithful" (had to google the Fidelis part)
24) Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake? Assuming we had an ocean or a lake around, I'd swim in either! Water would be a novelty
25) Do you wear a lot of black? More than I used to
26) Describe your hair. It's a couple of inches below my shoulders, brown with reddish/blonde highlights that are way overdue to be touched up and usually in a ponytail or bun because I don't know how to style it like the hairdresser did.
27) Do you have Entomophobia? YES. I hate the wiggly things, creepy crawly things and things that don't have legs or that have more than four legs.
28) Are you an adult? Yes, most of the time.
29) Where is/are your best friend(s)? At home asleep, I hope!
30) Do you have a tan? Not even a little one anymore since I think sunlight would kill me.
31) Are you addicted to TV? Probably; I watch way too much. So much I can't even keep up with it on the DVR.
32) Do you enjoy spending time with your mother? Yup!
33) Are you a sugar freak? So much so that I convinced my work partner to make cupcakes and now we have 48 for the 2 of us. I guess we could share with the officers...
34) What happened to number 34? Like the question 34 or in general? In general, my guess is that it doesn't feel superior to 35 but better than 33.
35) What sign are you? Sag, but I don't believe in astrology
36) Where do you wish you were right now? Asleep in bed or on a sandy beach or anywhere but here!
37) Who did you copy this from? the-graham-crackers.blogspot.com
38) How do you know them? Just stumbled upon them...and may be back there! It lead to a bunch of other really good blogs--see what happens when you spy!
39) Have you kissed anyone in the past week? My husband...maybe my mommy...my pets...other people's children (but not just random children, like sorority sister kids)
40) Favorite thing to wear to bed? I love pjs and lounge wear, so I don't have just one favorite! And if it's really hot, I like just the comforter :) There's an image for you!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Temper Tantrum Temporarily Over
I'm sure you're all dying to know if I'm done with my temper tantrum from Tuesday. Not really...I'm sure it'll buck up again soon. I have a memory that holds grudges for eternity (my father once called me an elephant and then when the look of horror on my face became apparent enough for even him, he quickly explained that elephants have the longest memory of any mammal or something like that--I'm not the scientist so I don't even know for sure what a mammal is--anyway, who was able to test an elephant's memory? Who even came up with that idea?). However, I did re-frost part of the cake, and I have eaten 2 slices, and I haven't died and they did sort of make me feel better, and I remain married...guess that means Walmart is off the list of things I blame the bad stuff of the world on. I did refuse to go to Chilis with some girlfriends from work (well one co-worker and one ex-co-worker) because of the experience there though. See, I can stick to my guns.
The good news is that even though I can hold grudges forever and bring up memories from eons ago, I have enough crazy stupid stuff in my life that I always have a new problem to be dwelling on, and so the whole Espanola incident is out of my mind until I see or hear the words "Walmart" or "Chilis."
Here's my current gripe. Long meeting at work this morning. I work Friday night from 2230 (that's 10:30 pm to help those of you out that are reading this and don't want to translate) until 0630 (6:30 am) Saturday morning. I then work 1830 (6:30 pm) until 0630 on Saturdays and Sundays. My work week ends on Mondays when I work 2230 until 0630. I have the rest of Tuesday through Friday at 2230 off, so basically three days. However, I had to sit through training on Tuesday for 6 hours, and then was at work today for 4 hours worth of meeting. The meeting was at 0700. I know that this is easier for the dispatchers that work the graveyard shift and get off at 0630 during the week, but for me on my day off, it sucks, because I just wanted to sleep for more than 4 hours. And it sucks even more that it's always my day off that has trainings or meetings or whatever scheduled. Why can't these things rotate occasionally so that I'm not always giving up 1-2 of my days off (which I give up every week) for "mandatory" junk? Can't we have a training on a Monday morning when I'm already there? Why can't someone else give up their days off? GRR.
Actually, a ton of gripes came out of the meeting, but since this is our 4th supervisor in 12 months, I will follow my orders and see what happens. Pretty much it can't get that much worse. Did you know that Colorado Springs/El Paso County, Colorado pays their dispatchers more money than I make now (and I'm the highest rank there is for dispatchers--at the highest paid agency in the state of New Mexico) AND they are hiring? I told this to my husband (who is very offended that I called him "homeboy" in a prior post), who then looked up jobs that he'd be qualified for, and said he would apply if I wanted him to apply. Trouble is that I'm really not a quitter, I've never wanted to dispatch anywhere else (other local agencies and officers keep trying to get me to transfer) and I'm not sure I'm ready to leave my mommy. However, Colorado is gorgeous and hubby and I have talked about living there a million times. I'm not sure he'd been keen on getting a job there and giving up his retirement and stuff here (once you're 30, you have to start behaving sort of adult-like and think about what happens when you're 60--or so we decided when he turned 30) just to have me announce that I'm not going to work any more, but that I'm going to stay home and eat bon bons.
So for the time being, I'll just let my little gripes fill me up and distract me from making any decisions. Hey, I won't be 30 for over a year, and that's when I'll have to make adult-like decisions. Until then, I'll keep having temper tantrums :)
The good news is that even though I can hold grudges forever and bring up memories from eons ago, I have enough crazy stupid stuff in my life that I always have a new problem to be dwelling on, and so the whole Espanola incident is out of my mind until I see or hear the words "Walmart" or "Chilis."
Here's my current gripe. Long meeting at work this morning. I work Friday night from 2230 (that's 10:30 pm to help those of you out that are reading this and don't want to translate) until 0630 (6:30 am) Saturday morning. I then work 1830 (6:30 pm) until 0630 on Saturdays and Sundays. My work week ends on Mondays when I work 2230 until 0630. I have the rest of Tuesday through Friday at 2230 off, so basically three days. However, I had to sit through training on Tuesday for 6 hours, and then was at work today for 4 hours worth of meeting. The meeting was at 0700. I know that this is easier for the dispatchers that work the graveyard shift and get off at 0630 during the week, but for me on my day off, it sucks, because I just wanted to sleep for more than 4 hours. And it sucks even more that it's always my day off that has trainings or meetings or whatever scheduled. Why can't these things rotate occasionally so that I'm not always giving up 1-2 of my days off (which I give up every week) for "mandatory" junk? Can't we have a training on a Monday morning when I'm already there? Why can't someone else give up their days off? GRR.
Actually, a ton of gripes came out of the meeting, but since this is our 4th supervisor in 12 months, I will follow my orders and see what happens. Pretty much it can't get that much worse. Did you know that Colorado Springs/El Paso County, Colorado pays their dispatchers more money than I make now (and I'm the highest rank there is for dispatchers--at the highest paid agency in the state of New Mexico) AND they are hiring? I told this to my husband (who is very offended that I called him "homeboy" in a prior post), who then looked up jobs that he'd be qualified for, and said he would apply if I wanted him to apply. Trouble is that I'm really not a quitter, I've never wanted to dispatch anywhere else (other local agencies and officers keep trying to get me to transfer) and I'm not sure I'm ready to leave my mommy. However, Colorado is gorgeous and hubby and I have talked about living there a million times. I'm not sure he'd been keen on getting a job there and giving up his retirement and stuff here (once you're 30, you have to start behaving sort of adult-like and think about what happens when you're 60--or so we decided when he turned 30) just to have me announce that I'm not going to work any more, but that I'm going to stay home and eat bon bons.
So for the time being, I'll just let my little gripes fill me up and distract me from making any decisions. Hey, I won't be 30 for over a year, and that's when I'll have to make adult-like decisions. Until then, I'll keep having temper tantrums :)
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
The Icing on the Cake
Just a warning--I'm madder than a hornet that has just had her nest stepped on :(
STUPID STUPID New Mexico. I hate the service here.
Went to Chilis in Espanola for dinner. They seated us right away. We were sitting at about 5 after 7 pm. Didn't see a waitress until about 7:20 when she finally took our drink order and I gave her the appetizer order.
Maybe I should back up a bit. I got off work at 6:30 AM this morning, went home and fell asleep around 7:30 am. Had to get up at 11:00 am because I had to be at work for a mandatory training that didn't end until 6 pm. Did not get to eat other than a caffeine free diet Coke and a breakfast bar. It wore off quickly, and I am a true female dog when I don't eat.
So the waitress takes the drink order and what we wanted as an appetizer order at about 7:20 pm. She disappears. About 10 minutes later we get our drinks. Another 15 minutes pass and she comes back to refill the drinks (gave me the wrong drink and it took 5 minutes to get her to correct this--and she took my straw)and to take our dinner order. She assures us she turned in the appetizer order. Another 15 minutes after this we see her coming with our dinner order. She says that another waitress delivered our appetizer to another table but another one is coming. We tell her to forget it (it's been 1 hour since we've been in the restaurant and we're both famished and put off from here to high heaven), and she has the NERVE to tell us "well I won't charge you for it then."
NO BLEEPING BLEEPING COW MANURE you won't charge us for it!! Hello, we never saw it, never touched it, never tasted it. It was freaking a full 45 minutes after we had placed the order and our main courses were there. WTF (what the fudge) is her problem??
So hubby asks for a manager. He comes over and begins apologizing right away with lame excuses about how they're short 2 people out front and 2 people in the kitchen. Is that my fault? Do I do the hiring for Chilis? I don't care. All I want is a straw--which it's been around 7 minutes since I asked the waitress for one and she's never returned--and hot food. Yup, the dinner is just above room temperature. Is that even legal? So the manager tells us that he'll take the appetizer off the bill--again, WTF?!?!
Sure enough, when the bill appears (20 minutes later...nice that now she was in a hurry to help us leave since we've already complained--she gives the bill and then says "do you want anything else?"), the waitress is quick to tell us that she took the appetizer off the bill, like she did some favor to us. I blame Chilis for the hunger pains that chased me out the door and I blame Chilis for the fact that I have to go to a store where I will buy a bunch of food that's not needed because of the miserable night thus far. I blame Chilis for the fact that I will be even more grossly overweight and I blame Chilis for the fact that I will die of a young age due to a heart attack from clogged arteries and diabetes and stress from terrible service, not to mention the depression I'll be in from all the illnesses that will plague me because I couldn't get an appetizer or hot food.
So then we go to Walmart, where we don't spend near as much time as we usually do. I am hungry since dinner sucked and I want to go to Dairy Queen for a dipped cone. We buy a cake (comfort food for my foul temper) and a couple other items, and head to line, where we wait for what must have been at least 30 minutes. I had time to wander the store again and my homeboy still hadn't moved from where I left him. We finally escape after 10 pm just to discover that Dairy Queen closed at 10 pm. I hold Walmart responsible for the fact that my night is screwed up and that I will now go to bed hungry because I couldn't have a dipped cone.
Not even the cone that homeboy got me at McDonalds is going to fix this.
We get home and discover that the checker put the cake on its side next to the fresh loaf of bread, and then the bag rolled around the back of the car (I did ask homeboy to check this for me and he said not to worry as it would be fine), and sure enough, the icing is off the cake and stuck on the roof of the container and the bread is smushed. Now I hold Walmart responsible for the ruination of the rest of my night and probably this whole week because the cake won't taste right since I had to stick it back together. I also blame Walmart for any demise of my marriage this evening as I scream at homeboy for the ruined cake that he SAID would be fine.
Who knew life could be ruined and suck just because of icing on a cake?
STUPID STUPID New Mexico. I hate the service here.
Went to Chilis in Espanola for dinner. They seated us right away. We were sitting at about 5 after 7 pm. Didn't see a waitress until about 7:20 when she finally took our drink order and I gave her the appetizer order.
Maybe I should back up a bit. I got off work at 6:30 AM this morning, went home and fell asleep around 7:30 am. Had to get up at 11:00 am because I had to be at work for a mandatory training that didn't end until 6 pm. Did not get to eat other than a caffeine free diet Coke and a breakfast bar. It wore off quickly, and I am a true female dog when I don't eat.
So the waitress takes the drink order and what we wanted as an appetizer order at about 7:20 pm. She disappears. About 10 minutes later we get our drinks. Another 15 minutes pass and she comes back to refill the drinks (gave me the wrong drink and it took 5 minutes to get her to correct this--and she took my straw)and to take our dinner order. She assures us she turned in the appetizer order. Another 15 minutes after this we see her coming with our dinner order. She says that another waitress delivered our appetizer to another table but another one is coming. We tell her to forget it (it's been 1 hour since we've been in the restaurant and we're both famished and put off from here to high heaven), and she has the NERVE to tell us "well I won't charge you for it then."
NO BLEEPING BLEEPING COW MANURE you won't charge us for it!! Hello, we never saw it, never touched it, never tasted it. It was freaking a full 45 minutes after we had placed the order and our main courses were there. WTF (what the fudge) is her problem??
So hubby asks for a manager. He comes over and begins apologizing right away with lame excuses about how they're short 2 people out front and 2 people in the kitchen. Is that my fault? Do I do the hiring for Chilis? I don't care. All I want is a straw--which it's been around 7 minutes since I asked the waitress for one and she's never returned--and hot food. Yup, the dinner is just above room temperature. Is that even legal? So the manager tells us that he'll take the appetizer off the bill--again, WTF?!?!
Sure enough, when the bill appears (20 minutes later...nice that now she was in a hurry to help us leave since we've already complained--she gives the bill and then says "do you want anything else?"), the waitress is quick to tell us that she took the appetizer off the bill, like she did some favor to us. I blame Chilis for the hunger pains that chased me out the door and I blame Chilis for the fact that I have to go to a store where I will buy a bunch of food that's not needed because of the miserable night thus far. I blame Chilis for the fact that I will be even more grossly overweight and I blame Chilis for the fact that I will die of a young age due to a heart attack from clogged arteries and diabetes and stress from terrible service, not to mention the depression I'll be in from all the illnesses that will plague me because I couldn't get an appetizer or hot food.
So then we go to Walmart, where we don't spend near as much time as we usually do. I am hungry since dinner sucked and I want to go to Dairy Queen for a dipped cone. We buy a cake (comfort food for my foul temper) and a couple other items, and head to line, where we wait for what must have been at least 30 minutes. I had time to wander the store again and my homeboy still hadn't moved from where I left him. We finally escape after 10 pm just to discover that Dairy Queen closed at 10 pm. I hold Walmart responsible for the fact that my night is screwed up and that I will now go to bed hungry because I couldn't have a dipped cone.
Not even the cone that homeboy got me at McDonalds is going to fix this.
We get home and discover that the checker put the cake on its side next to the fresh loaf of bread, and then the bag rolled around the back of the car (I did ask homeboy to check this for me and he said not to worry as it would be fine), and sure enough, the icing is off the cake and stuck on the roof of the container and the bread is smushed. Now I hold Walmart responsible for the ruination of the rest of my night and probably this whole week because the cake won't taste right since I had to stick it back together. I also blame Walmart for any demise of my marriage this evening as I scream at homeboy for the ruined cake that he SAID would be fine.
Who knew life could be ruined and suck just because of icing on a cake?
Sunday, July 15, 2007
RE: A Few Simple Instructions for the Challenged Among Us
Okay, so the post I had here about when to call 9-1-1 and when to leave it alone may have not been the best to read...it was a little sarcastic (I know your shocked that I may have been sarcastic!) and may have contained information that could be viewed as not so good, so I have deleted 90% of it. Plus, it totally freaked out some of my co-workers when I said that I had had enough of the not emergency calls on 9-1-1, and they panicked (on my behalf) thinking that I may be in jeopardy of spilling the beans. I would NEVER divulge information learned through my job--I totally respect that I do not met/talk to/see people at their best, and I would never exploit that. I apologize to those of you that may have been offended. Please know that despite my feelings listed here, I do encourage anybody anywhere to call 9-1-1 when they feel that they and/or another person are in danger.
That being said, I still have some issues that I want to say, and so here they are...consider them my strong irks that I really want to get off my chest:
*Do not blame the 9-1-1 operator for the crisis at hand. We do not control the weather, the drivers on the road, etc.
*Do not tell the operator what you expect for the taxes you pay (chances are they are also paying taxes and therefore pay their own salaries)
*Do not start with "This may not be an emergency..." If you call 9-1-1, we expect it to be an emergency (see above).
*Do not deny calling. Somehow we got your number/name/address...and it wasn't the 9-1-1 fairies that gave it to us.
*Do not give your child/children the phone to play with. It is not cute to have officers show up on your doorstep because Johnny was gurgling into the line...and somebody else may have needed that 9-1-1 line for a real emergency.
Okay, I may be okay on this topic for a while :)
That being said, I still have some issues that I want to say, and so here they are...consider them my strong irks that I really want to get off my chest:
*Do not blame the 9-1-1 operator for the crisis at hand. We do not control the weather, the drivers on the road, etc.
*Do not tell the operator what you expect for the taxes you pay (chances are they are also paying taxes and therefore pay their own salaries)
*Do not start with "This may not be an emergency..." If you call 9-1-1, we expect it to be an emergency (see above).
*Do not deny calling. Somehow we got your number/name/address...and it wasn't the 9-1-1 fairies that gave it to us.
*Do not give your child/children the phone to play with. It is not cute to have officers show up on your doorstep because Johnny was gurgling into the line...and somebody else may have needed that 9-1-1 line for a real emergency.
Okay, I may be okay on this topic for a while :)
Friday, July 13, 2007
I'm in Love with Georgia
Why I love the South:
*Sweet Tea (did you know you can buy the stuff at the store? DON'T DO THAT! It doesn't taste right! Make your own--it's 1 or 2 cups sugar per gallon of tea depending on your taste buds)
*Hospitality (Can they teach classes out west? Maybe I'm a sucker for being called "sweetheart")
*GREEN grass (Heck, grass period! Although I was in Georgia during the biggest drought they have seen in a million years or something like that)
*Etiquette and manners exist (small children telling me "yes ma'am" and men that hold open doors and walk behind the women...not to mention that in a restaurant you get service instead of the feeling that you're inconveniencing someone by expecting drinks or food or whatever)
*BIG DIAMONDS on every married woman's hand. It's amazing...I don't think I've seen so much bling bling in one room. And they are amazingly beautiful rings. I found myself studying hands in airports, restaurants, hotels, malls, everywhere. If we move south, I'm expecting another carat or two :)
Things I don't get about the South
*Small roads with mailboxes sticking out almost over the road (I have no idea how I didn't hit either a mailbox or another car in the oncoming traffic). And almost all the roads in Douglasville, GA seem to loop around. Hard to get too lost there :)
*Slang ("I made a picture" means they took a picture with a camera, "I'll carry you" means they'll drive--not physically carry--you somewhere....I had been exposed to most of these by my dear friends from Alabama, so I didn't look too much like an ass)
*Macho men appear to be very comfortable with their feminine side. Also known as I now longer think Clay Aiken is gay but just a Southern gentleman.
Class was good! I have another national certification under my belt, and I still need at least two more before I can settle and know that I won't have to ever dispatch anywhere but Los Alamos and can still stay in the communications game for emergency services/public safety.
I did fall in love with the part of Georgia I was in, and I did ponder ways to move us there. Other amusing things I saw include that in Douglasville, you can be either Baptist or Baptist. I passed over 10 Baptist churches, and the only other church I found was 1 lonely Church of Christ. I got to eat Hush Puppies--and I haven't had those since I was like eight. YUM! I did not go for the grits--I thought that butter and salt and pepper on the grits was not yummy, but then a classmate said I should have tried butter and sugar, and I suspect I may have liked that. I don't know how anybody stays awake for the nightly news--I was asleep by 10 PM Eastern time, and the news didn't come on until 11 PM.
I have a tendency to pick up accents from wherever I go, and the longer I'm at a place, the longer my accent hangs on. Call me this weekend, and you may get what my family calls the "southern belle" routine. It's not as bad as when I visit Texas, so that may be a blessing, because Texas can be pretty twangy.
My husband must have sensed my admiration for rings while I was away (or he knows I'm so doggone impatient and wanted it right away), because he dutifully picked up the new engagement ring from the jewelers before picking me up. It's a beautiful setting, and when we celebrate our anniversary, he's got some romantic gesture set up for my new wedding band :) I did get the engagement ring to wear NOW, and although the other ring will be completed in August, he is making me wait until September to wear it. Where are we going to celebrate this year? Savannah, Georgia.
I keep hearing male voices outside, and just looked--it's our contractor and a bunch of County guys. We're having a lot of trouble getting our permit approved, so I guess I should go see if I'm supposed to be doing something now that they're outside :) More later, as I thought of a million things to blog while I was away from the computer!
P.s. My clothes were MORE than fine. Whew!
*Sweet Tea (did you know you can buy the stuff at the store? DON'T DO THAT! It doesn't taste right! Make your own--it's 1 or 2 cups sugar per gallon of tea depending on your taste buds)
*Hospitality (Can they teach classes out west? Maybe I'm a sucker for being called "sweetheart")
*GREEN grass (Heck, grass period! Although I was in Georgia during the biggest drought they have seen in a million years or something like that)
*Etiquette and manners exist (small children telling me "yes ma'am" and men that hold open doors and walk behind the women...not to mention that in a restaurant you get service instead of the feeling that you're inconveniencing someone by expecting drinks or food or whatever)
*BIG DIAMONDS on every married woman's hand. It's amazing...I don't think I've seen so much bling bling in one room. And they are amazingly beautiful rings. I found myself studying hands in airports, restaurants, hotels, malls, everywhere. If we move south, I'm expecting another carat or two :)
Things I don't get about the South
*Small roads with mailboxes sticking out almost over the road (I have no idea how I didn't hit either a mailbox or another car in the oncoming traffic). And almost all the roads in Douglasville, GA seem to loop around. Hard to get too lost there :)
*Slang ("I made a picture" means they took a picture with a camera, "I'll carry you" means they'll drive--not physically carry--you somewhere....I had been exposed to most of these by my dear friends from Alabama, so I didn't look too much like an ass)
*Macho men appear to be very comfortable with their feminine side. Also known as I now longer think Clay Aiken is gay but just a Southern gentleman.
Class was good! I have another national certification under my belt, and I still need at least two more before I can settle and know that I won't have to ever dispatch anywhere but Los Alamos and can still stay in the communications game for emergency services/public safety.
I did fall in love with the part of Georgia I was in, and I did ponder ways to move us there. Other amusing things I saw include that in Douglasville, you can be either Baptist or Baptist. I passed over 10 Baptist churches, and the only other church I found was 1 lonely Church of Christ. I got to eat Hush Puppies--and I haven't had those since I was like eight. YUM! I did not go for the grits--I thought that butter and salt and pepper on the grits was not yummy, but then a classmate said I should have tried butter and sugar, and I suspect I may have liked that. I don't know how anybody stays awake for the nightly news--I was asleep by 10 PM Eastern time, and the news didn't come on until 11 PM.
I have a tendency to pick up accents from wherever I go, and the longer I'm at a place, the longer my accent hangs on. Call me this weekend, and you may get what my family calls the "southern belle" routine. It's not as bad as when I visit Texas, so that may be a blessing, because Texas can be pretty twangy.
My husband must have sensed my admiration for rings while I was away (or he knows I'm so doggone impatient and wanted it right away), because he dutifully picked up the new engagement ring from the jewelers before picking me up. It's a beautiful setting, and when we celebrate our anniversary, he's got some romantic gesture set up for my new wedding band :) I did get the engagement ring to wear NOW, and although the other ring will be completed in August, he is making me wait until September to wear it. Where are we going to celebrate this year? Savannah, Georgia.
I keep hearing male voices outside, and just looked--it's our contractor and a bunch of County guys. We're having a lot of trouble getting our permit approved, so I guess I should go see if I'm supposed to be doing something now that they're outside :) More later, as I thought of a million things to blog while I was away from the computer!
P.s. My clothes were MORE than fine. Whew!
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Southwest Fashion
First things first--even our little grocery store that doesn't usually have any fresh produce did have little containers of cut up fruit. I bought one of grapes. Then I bought all the other fruit whole and cut it up all by myself. I'm pretty proud of myself :)
I'm supposed to be sleeping because I'm supposed to have just gotten off work. However, my body had better ideas, and that's a good thing in the whole scheme of things because I need to be packing. I'm headed to Georgia tomorrow for training...and that's a whole 'nother source of tension in the work place ("how come SHE gets to go to out of state training?" One swears there's a secret agenda for me--I think it's called I ask and harass until I get something I really want). Here's the problem with the packing thing: I live in the Southwest and the training is in the East.
Not a big deal, I'm sure you're thinking. And while I am a bit neurotic, I have confirmation from others that it IS a big deal. See, when I attend classes and trainings out here, most people wear jeans. A few wear sweats. Almost all wear t-shirts. During the summer, you might even see shorts. And for some bizarre reason, this is okay, and acceptable. I NEVER wear sweats or t-shirts or jeans to a training...I blame it on my mother. She instilled in me that you dress for success and that you represent something wherever you go. I take a huge amount of pride in representing my department, and therefore, I don't disrespect other agencies by not dressing nicely.
The other dress issue between the East and the Southwest is that what you see on the streets of the Eastern states is what you'll see in New Mexico in like 3 years. We're a bit behind. And then Los Alamos is even further behind...maybe because most cone heads don't really care what they look like (socks with sandals? Seriously, you see that everywhere in town...I did that during the winters in high school...maybe that's why I'm a failure of fashion...and it's a good thing there are still "Family Matters" reruns since a lot of fashion advice apparently comes from Steve Urkel) since it's all about the science.
What I'm freaked over now is that I'm not certain that what I have is dressy enough for the East. For example--I bought these beautiful linen pants with the intention of wearing them to this class in Georgia. I know that they'd be dressed up more than enough for New Mexico. Is linen acceptable in Georgia? I have suits, but let's face it--July is not the best time to be in Georgia. It's going to be a terrible muggy hot when I'm used to a dry hot, and my hair and makeup will already be a nightmare, so to add sweaty nasty marks into my suit jackets (I don't believe that all women glow--I sweat like a man, and the powers that be in the deodorant world allow me not to smell like a man, but I still SWEAT) would be the end of the line. I don't want to be the freak from "Mexico" that speaks English well but can't dress appropriately.
GRR.
So keep your fingers crossed that I don't create some sort of catastrophe this week. There will be a big enough mess at work awaiting my return.
I'm supposed to be sleeping because I'm supposed to have just gotten off work. However, my body had better ideas, and that's a good thing in the whole scheme of things because I need to be packing. I'm headed to Georgia tomorrow for training...and that's a whole 'nother source of tension in the work place ("how come SHE gets to go to out of state training?" One swears there's a secret agenda for me--I think it's called I ask and harass until I get something I really want). Here's the problem with the packing thing: I live in the Southwest and the training is in the East.
Not a big deal, I'm sure you're thinking. And while I am a bit neurotic, I have confirmation from others that it IS a big deal. See, when I attend classes and trainings out here, most people wear jeans. A few wear sweats. Almost all wear t-shirts. During the summer, you might even see shorts. And for some bizarre reason, this is okay, and acceptable. I NEVER wear sweats or t-shirts or jeans to a training...I blame it on my mother. She instilled in me that you dress for success and that you represent something wherever you go. I take a huge amount of pride in representing my department, and therefore, I don't disrespect other agencies by not dressing nicely.
The other dress issue between the East and the Southwest is that what you see on the streets of the Eastern states is what you'll see in New Mexico in like 3 years. We're a bit behind. And then Los Alamos is even further behind...maybe because most cone heads don't really care what they look like (socks with sandals? Seriously, you see that everywhere in town...I did that during the winters in high school...maybe that's why I'm a failure of fashion...and it's a good thing there are still "Family Matters" reruns since a lot of fashion advice apparently comes from Steve Urkel) since it's all about the science.
What I'm freaked over now is that I'm not certain that what I have is dressy enough for the East. For example--I bought these beautiful linen pants with the intention of wearing them to this class in Georgia. I know that they'd be dressed up more than enough for New Mexico. Is linen acceptable in Georgia? I have suits, but let's face it--July is not the best time to be in Georgia. It's going to be a terrible muggy hot when I'm used to a dry hot, and my hair and makeup will already be a nightmare, so to add sweaty nasty marks into my suit jackets (I don't believe that all women glow--I sweat like a man, and the powers that be in the deodorant world allow me not to smell like a man, but I still SWEAT) would be the end of the line. I don't want to be the freak from "Mexico" that speaks English well but can't dress appropriately.
GRR.
So keep your fingers crossed that I don't create some sort of catastrophe this week. There will be a big enough mess at work awaiting my return.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
I like to eat
A couple of months ago I found a fabulous card that had on the cover "Why I Work: A Short Essay" and then you opened it up, and it said "I like to eat." I think that could sum up my past week.
Deciding to go back to work full time at the police department was a truly selfish act--as I said before, I was trying to recapture something of my youth, amongst wanting to be sure that if anything happened to my husband and/or our marriage, I had a retirement. I liked the job I was at, but in addition to the whole retirement thing, what could compete with the adrenaline rush of a 9-1-1 call, the sound of sirens and the frantic cries for help? What about ridding the Earth of the bad bad people that take advantage of others? Nothing can compete with saving the world! (Don't you see me in my cape and tights?)
Okay, so in reality, we're very lucky that we don't have non-stop frantic cries for help, and that we don't have too many HORRIBLE people (well, criminal people) in this town. I love getting the emergency calls, and I love the rush of knowing that I'm sending help to those that need it when they may be at their worst moment in life. I do sort of feel like I'm saving the world in a tiny, minimalistic, almost non-existent way.
However, the often lull in silence as the town (and I guess the bad guys) sleep, allows dispatchers' minds and mouths to run, and this toppled with working with 9 other women and being supervised by two men that don't quite get the woman-to-woman relationship thing, often leads to drama in the workplace. I think I spend more time listening to fires roar and more arguments boil over inside my workplace than I do in the town site. Let's just put it this way--the Chief has had to put TWO armed men in my workplace in order to try to establish order. And we've already run one of them out.
So yesterday I was feeling disgusted with the whole work thing (tired of gossip and rumor mills--although I realize that by listening to it and asking "WHAT?!" I'm participating), totally frustrated that I felt like I was doing everything and being abused by my supervisors (seriously, I think my real job title should be slave), wondering how I could give up all the luxuries that come with being part of a two full time income family (there's that whole eating thing--who wants to cook when there are other people that do it so much better than you and there are others that will serve YOU), and pondering how to commit a murder and get away with it (just give me the gun already--I've learned what NOT to do at a crime scene). I was sitting in a department supervisor meeting covered in sweat because it is summer in New Mexico, in a uniform that had been on for almost 12 hours, with greasy hair sort of in a ponytail but fly-aways everywhere, with makeup smudged down my face (do I sound pathetic enough yet?), trying to care about anything and trying to keep my eyes open (long night of silence until about 45 minutes before the end of my shift when a truly tragic call came in--and then I had to go to THIS meeting), reminding myself that I asked for this job, and really feeling sorry for myself, when the Chief gave me a very nice public pat on the back. And just like that, who cared that I have to work something like 17 days in a row with only 1 day off? Who cares that I have to wear combat boots in summer? Who cares that nobody knows the troubles I've seen? Suddenly the sun was shinning and I could go without sleep for months! I am making a difference!
Okay, so I'm still pretty dramatic.
Anyway, it's amazing that a million negative thoughts and a serious self-pity party can all be wiped away with one positive word. Maybe that's what I should be focusing on at work.
Remember that terrible movie with Helen Hunt and Haley Joel Osmond (is that his name? Dude from "The Sixth Sense") called "Pass It Forward?" It made a large ripple in society with the idea that one person doing one nice thing for one other person would change the world. I don't know that I'm that must of an idealist, but I know that I can certainly be a little more positive and remember that work doesn't have to run my life. I can enjoy what I do and who I do it with because no matter what they think or do, it's about MY reaction to it.
Besides, that way I can continue to eat and not have ulcers :)
On the food note still, today is my Mom's annual 4th of July BBQ. I actually have to go back into work (good thing I'm thinking positively!), but I will get to go there for a couple of hours first. Mom always has enough to feed an army (some day we should test that), and I'm supposed to be making a couple of dishes. I asked what she wanted me to bring and then told her I'll do what I want to do. Basically, she asked for a pasta salad and a fruit salad with a yogurt dressing. I announced I'd make a salad out of box and I'd bring cut up fruit in a bowl. I think I've a bit of a disappointment to Mom in the kitchen arena because while I like the idea of homemade dishes, I'm totally A-OK with the box idea. I remember when I was in junior high I mortified her by announcing to a friend and a friend's mom that I really LOVED boxed Macaroni and Cheese more than any thing in the world (at that time--now I love almost any food that I didn't have to create and then cook).
I love to get food magazines and to watch the Food Network. I have grandiose ideas that I could be the next Rachel Ray. I watch "Hell's Kitchen" and "Top Chef" in fascination. I even sometimes go to the store with the idea that I will make something from scratch! I will use a recipe and I will don an apron and I WILL RULE THE KITCHEN. And then I discover it already done in a box or a carton at the store, and I let my guilt nag me a little and then I think about how much better it will be if I make it and how proud I'll be to present this dish and how everyone will ooh and aah and I'll say that it was nothing (although the kitchen will tell another story). And then I'll say to heck with it and buy the already made dish.
I wonder if they'll have fruit already cut up for today at the store?
Deciding to go back to work full time at the police department was a truly selfish act--as I said before, I was trying to recapture something of my youth, amongst wanting to be sure that if anything happened to my husband and/or our marriage, I had a retirement. I liked the job I was at, but in addition to the whole retirement thing, what could compete with the adrenaline rush of a 9-1-1 call, the sound of sirens and the frantic cries for help? What about ridding the Earth of the bad bad people that take advantage of others? Nothing can compete with saving the world! (Don't you see me in my cape and tights?)
Okay, so in reality, we're very lucky that we don't have non-stop frantic cries for help, and that we don't have too many HORRIBLE people (well, criminal people) in this town. I love getting the emergency calls, and I love the rush of knowing that I'm sending help to those that need it when they may be at their worst moment in life. I do sort of feel like I'm saving the world in a tiny, minimalistic, almost non-existent way.
However, the often lull in silence as the town (and I guess the bad guys) sleep, allows dispatchers' minds and mouths to run, and this toppled with working with 9 other women and being supervised by two men that don't quite get the woman-to-woman relationship thing, often leads to drama in the workplace. I think I spend more time listening to fires roar and more arguments boil over inside my workplace than I do in the town site. Let's just put it this way--the Chief has had to put TWO armed men in my workplace in order to try to establish order. And we've already run one of them out.
So yesterday I was feeling disgusted with the whole work thing (tired of gossip and rumor mills--although I realize that by listening to it and asking "WHAT?!" I'm participating), totally frustrated that I felt like I was doing everything and being abused by my supervisors (seriously, I think my real job title should be slave), wondering how I could give up all the luxuries that come with being part of a two full time income family (there's that whole eating thing--who wants to cook when there are other people that do it so much better than you and there are others that will serve YOU), and pondering how to commit a murder and get away with it (just give me the gun already--I've learned what NOT to do at a crime scene). I was sitting in a department supervisor meeting covered in sweat because it is summer in New Mexico, in a uniform that had been on for almost 12 hours, with greasy hair sort of in a ponytail but fly-aways everywhere, with makeup smudged down my face (do I sound pathetic enough yet?), trying to care about anything and trying to keep my eyes open (long night of silence until about 45 minutes before the end of my shift when a truly tragic call came in--and then I had to go to THIS meeting), reminding myself that I asked for this job, and really feeling sorry for myself, when the Chief gave me a very nice public pat on the back. And just like that, who cared that I have to work something like 17 days in a row with only 1 day off? Who cares that I have to wear combat boots in summer? Who cares that nobody knows the troubles I've seen? Suddenly the sun was shinning and I could go without sleep for months! I am making a difference!
Okay, so I'm still pretty dramatic.
Anyway, it's amazing that a million negative thoughts and a serious self-pity party can all be wiped away with one positive word. Maybe that's what I should be focusing on at work.
Remember that terrible movie with Helen Hunt and Haley Joel Osmond (is that his name? Dude from "The Sixth Sense") called "Pass It Forward?" It made a large ripple in society with the idea that one person doing one nice thing for one other person would change the world. I don't know that I'm that must of an idealist, but I know that I can certainly be a little more positive and remember that work doesn't have to run my life. I can enjoy what I do and who I do it with because no matter what they think or do, it's about MY reaction to it.
Besides, that way I can continue to eat and not have ulcers :)
On the food note still, today is my Mom's annual 4th of July BBQ. I actually have to go back into work (good thing I'm thinking positively!), but I will get to go there for a couple of hours first. Mom always has enough to feed an army (some day we should test that), and I'm supposed to be making a couple of dishes. I asked what she wanted me to bring and then told her I'll do what I want to do. Basically, she asked for a pasta salad and a fruit salad with a yogurt dressing. I announced I'd make a salad out of box and I'd bring cut up fruit in a bowl. I think I've a bit of a disappointment to Mom in the kitchen arena because while I like the idea of homemade dishes, I'm totally A-OK with the box idea. I remember when I was in junior high I mortified her by announcing to a friend and a friend's mom that I really LOVED boxed Macaroni and Cheese more than any thing in the world (at that time--now I love almost any food that I didn't have to create and then cook).
I love to get food magazines and to watch the Food Network. I have grandiose ideas that I could be the next Rachel Ray. I watch "Hell's Kitchen" and "Top Chef" in fascination. I even sometimes go to the store with the idea that I will make something from scratch! I will use a recipe and I will don an apron and I WILL RULE THE KITCHEN. And then I discover it already done in a box or a carton at the store, and I let my guilt nag me a little and then I think about how much better it will be if I make it and how proud I'll be to present this dish and how everyone will ooh and aah and I'll say that it was nothing (although the kitchen will tell another story). And then I'll say to heck with it and buy the already made dish.
I wonder if they'll have fruit already cut up for today at the store?
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Learning something every day
I've been doing some research on this whole blogging thing...okay, so really I've just been spying on other people's sites. I know it's wrong--I don't even know these people and yet I'm able to learn a lot about them. I've discovered that many blogs have names or links that can indicate right away that I shouldn't be looking at them while I'm at work :) I've discovered that there are some that use the blogging to brag on themselves and their accomplishments. (I don't see anything wrong with being proud of yourself, but some people take it to a whole new level!) I see that there are a ton of languages that blogs come in. I also see that there are people that I want to become friends with based on their blogs...I hope there's not a way to become a blog-stalker as I have already added a site of a complete stranger to my favorites!
I also see that my random thoughts don't have to be collected into one big thought in order to post them. So this may be a good release tool for me too, as I can express any thought or feelings and I don't have to care who reads it or not.
In addition to learning more about blogging, I have learned some other useful insights for today. We attended a wedding today for two young kids, and it was a bit eerie. Same church that we had attended for many years--ever since we started dating--but left a couple of years back. My husband had been attending since he was in first grade--eons ago, as I like to remind him. However, what I learned from tonight's experience, once again, was that you can't go back to places or times in your life. I know that sounds bad, but out of about 40 familiar faces, people we used to spend time with and worship with and taught their kids in Sunday Schools or youth group, there were only maybe half that didn't just stare openly at us and then turn their backs once I smiled at them. This occurred about a month ago with most of the same people when we attended a funeral service for someone from the church. It's stupid too because it shouldn't bother me, as I only have to answer to God for my actions and for my choices, but I feel almost guilty that I wasn't able to influence or teach God's love, forgiveness and grace or to show or to lead by example His grace to these people, and then I feel guilty because it's taking away from my being able to be a good Godly example and away from my enjoyment of the ceremony or focus on the couple (or at the funeral my focus on what an incredible woman she was that just went home) because I get angry that I feel guilty, and it's all just a vicious circle.
I may need therapy.
My point is just that we can't go back to where we were or who we were. I've been on a mission of sorts for the past year to find who I was before I got married. I went back to the job I had before I met my husband. I've spent more time with my friends/sisters on a one on one basis than I have with other couples like my husband and I used to do. I've gone where I wanted to go when I wanted to go. And it hasn't made me who I was. It has reignited in me a passion that I know was truly missing as I'm much happier with myself than I have been for the past couple of years, but now I have to work on a balance, because I don't really want to be that person from years ago. I'd like to think that I've gained some wisdom along the way. And I really believe that there is a balance where I can be myself as an individual, but still be who I am with someone else too. I have to accept that while I will never be that girl again, with those friends and those ideals, who I am now is pretty cool too.
And there's my bragging for this blog posting :)
I also see that my random thoughts don't have to be collected into one big thought in order to post them. So this may be a good release tool for me too, as I can express any thought or feelings and I don't have to care who reads it or not.
In addition to learning more about blogging, I have learned some other useful insights for today. We attended a wedding today for two young kids, and it was a bit eerie. Same church that we had attended for many years--ever since we started dating--but left a couple of years back. My husband had been attending since he was in first grade--eons ago, as I like to remind him. However, what I learned from tonight's experience, once again, was that you can't go back to places or times in your life. I know that sounds bad, but out of about 40 familiar faces, people we used to spend time with and worship with and taught their kids in Sunday Schools or youth group, there were only maybe half that didn't just stare openly at us and then turn their backs once I smiled at them. This occurred about a month ago with most of the same people when we attended a funeral service for someone from the church. It's stupid too because it shouldn't bother me, as I only have to answer to God for my actions and for my choices, but I feel almost guilty that I wasn't able to influence or teach God's love, forgiveness and grace or to show or to lead by example His grace to these people, and then I feel guilty because it's taking away from my being able to be a good Godly example and away from my enjoyment of the ceremony or focus on the couple (or at the funeral my focus on what an incredible woman she was that just went home) because I get angry that I feel guilty, and it's all just a vicious circle.
I may need therapy.
My point is just that we can't go back to where we were or who we were. I've been on a mission of sorts for the past year to find who I was before I got married. I went back to the job I had before I met my husband. I've spent more time with my friends/sisters on a one on one basis than I have with other couples like my husband and I used to do. I've gone where I wanted to go when I wanted to go. And it hasn't made me who I was. It has reignited in me a passion that I know was truly missing as I'm much happier with myself than I have been for the past couple of years, but now I have to work on a balance, because I don't really want to be that person from years ago. I'd like to think that I've gained some wisdom along the way. And I really believe that there is a balance where I can be myself as an individual, but still be who I am with someone else too. I have to accept that while I will never be that girl again, with those friends and those ideals, who I am now is pretty cool too.
And there's my bragging for this blog posting :)
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