I've been doing some research on this whole blogging thing...okay, so really I've just been spying on other people's sites. I know it's wrong--I don't even know these people and yet I'm able to learn a lot about them. I've discovered that many blogs have names or links that can indicate right away that I shouldn't be looking at them while I'm at work :) I've discovered that there are some that use the blogging to brag on themselves and their accomplishments. (I don't see anything wrong with being proud of yourself, but some people take it to a whole new level!) I see that there are a ton of languages that blogs come in. I also see that there are people that I want to become friends with based on their blogs...I hope there's not a way to become a blog-stalker as I have already added a site of a complete stranger to my favorites!
I also see that my random thoughts don't have to be collected into one big thought in order to post them. So this may be a good release tool for me too, as I can express any thought or feelings and I don't have to care who reads it or not.
In addition to learning more about blogging, I have learned some other useful insights for today. We attended a wedding today for two young kids, and it was a bit eerie. Same church that we had attended for many years--ever since we started dating--but left a couple of years back. My husband had been attending since he was in first grade--eons ago, as I like to remind him. However, what I learned from tonight's experience, once again, was that you can't go back to places or times in your life. I know that sounds bad, but out of about 40 familiar faces, people we used to spend time with and worship with and taught their kids in Sunday Schools or youth group, there were only maybe half that didn't just stare openly at us and then turn their backs once I smiled at them. This occurred about a month ago with most of the same people when we attended a funeral service for someone from the church. It's stupid too because it shouldn't bother me, as I only have to answer to God for my actions and for my choices, but I feel almost guilty that I wasn't able to influence or teach God's love, forgiveness and grace or to show or to lead by example His grace to these people, and then I feel guilty because it's taking away from my being able to be a good Godly example and away from my enjoyment of the ceremony or focus on the couple (or at the funeral my focus on what an incredible woman she was that just went home) because I get angry that I feel guilty, and it's all just a vicious circle.
I may need therapy.
My point is just that we can't go back to where we were or who we were. I've been on a mission of sorts for the past year to find who I was before I got married. I went back to the job I had before I met my husband. I've spent more time with my friends/sisters on a one on one basis than I have with other couples like my husband and I used to do. I've gone where I wanted to go when I wanted to go. And it hasn't made me who I was. It has reignited in me a passion that I know was truly missing as I'm much happier with myself than I have been for the past couple of years, but now I have to work on a balance, because I don't really want to be that person from years ago. I'd like to think that I've gained some wisdom along the way. And I really believe that there is a balance where I can be myself as an individual, but still be who I am with someone else too. I have to accept that while I will never be that girl again, with those friends and those ideals, who I am now is pretty cool too.
And there's my bragging for this blog posting :)
1 comment:
Wow...I can always count on Kate to put an incredibly soul-seeking spin on things! Seriously though, you hit it right on the nose. You don't want to go back there, but remember who you were and why you loved being you. That's an important lesson for all of us I think.
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