My friend died today.
I'm not sure how it's possible to be grief-stricken and filled with praise and awe at the same time. But I am.
She leaves behind a husband, two small children, fabulous parents and loving in-laws, along with a sibling, her siblings-in-law, their spouses, numerous sorority sisters, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, neighbors, and a community that have all been blessed beyond belief with her presence on Earth.
I'm sure there was some part of her that wasn't a saint...I'm just not sure I saw it :)
She was brought home to her Father before any of us thought it was her time. It's hard to believe that I've come into an age where my friends and loved ones are going to pass away. It's hard to understand why God said her purpose was complete when we're left here to ponder why and how He chooses His way.
It's not reassuring to most, and it's the cliche to say that she's at peace now and she's no longer in pain. I know that's true. But selfishly, I wish that this hadn't been His plan for my friend.
However, I totally praise Him for the years I got to spend with her, for the lessons I learned this past year and almost a half through her about Him, and for the joy I feel knowing that she's there to greet me when my purpose has been met. How selfish is that?
I'm teased for saying that everything is fabulous and that "it's all good." I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my shock and my grief will heal. I have the promise and the faith defined in Hebrews that everything works to the greater good of God. I don't claim to always understand it, but I have it. He is good. And I will bless His name!
Blessed Be Your Name--Matt Redman
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
Lyrics totally taken off the Internet...I freely confess to not getting any body's permission to post them...somehow, I think it's okay :)
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
This is embarrassing.
It has been eons since my last post.
I have missed blogging. There have been a million times I have wanted to race home and post something, but it obviously never happened. There are reasons...but they all come across like excuses. And I know/knew that once I begin posting again, it is a habit that will have to be fed. So it scares me to start again.
It also scares me, because what if nobody cares that I've off the blogosphere? And that in turn scares me as well, because then that means I may be posting for someone other than me...and that's not really the point either.
Finally, it scares me because I don't know where to begin. I think it's a little odd to go back to February--especially when that was so long ago that I don't remember everything that happened! Not that much has changed...although in a sense, everything has changed. Part of me thinks that this is supposed to be the here and now, and part me acknowledges that it is the past that creates the here and now.
Obviously I haven't become a better philosopher in the past 8 months.
While I haven't been posting myself, I have been lurking around other blogs. And that also didn't seem quite right. So I guess the fact that I keep thinking "I should really blog about this!" and "am I a Peeping Blogger?" have led me to conclude that it's time to return.
For one thing, it allowed me to keep my sanity many times. And these days, sanity is something that can't be overlooked.
So I'm (I think) back.
It has been eons since my last post.
I have missed blogging. There have been a million times I have wanted to race home and post something, but it obviously never happened. There are reasons...but they all come across like excuses. And I know/knew that once I begin posting again, it is a habit that will have to be fed. So it scares me to start again.
It also scares me, because what if nobody cares that I've off the blogosphere? And that in turn scares me as well, because then that means I may be posting for someone other than me...and that's not really the point either.
Finally, it scares me because I don't know where to begin. I think it's a little odd to go back to February--especially when that was so long ago that I don't remember everything that happened! Not that much has changed...although in a sense, everything has changed. Part of me thinks that this is supposed to be the here and now, and part me acknowledges that it is the past that creates the here and now.
Obviously I haven't become a better philosopher in the past 8 months.
While I haven't been posting myself, I have been lurking around other blogs. And that also didn't seem quite right. So I guess the fact that I keep thinking "I should really blog about this!" and "am I a Peeping Blogger?" have led me to conclude that it's time to return.
For one thing, it allowed me to keep my sanity many times. And these days, sanity is something that can't be overlooked.
So I'm (I think) back.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Dead Lobster
This evening we met my parents and my baby brother in Santa Fe at a restaurant to introduce my brother to the baby. It should be noted here that my bro is completely petrified of babies. He seriously has some sort of repellent in him...I don't know what it is, but prior to tonight, the last time we handed a baby to Bro, he pushed the baby out at arms length and held the baby by the baby's armpits for about a nanosecond, and then asked us if we could take "it" back.
So my whole goal of the evening was to catch "Uncle" Bro holding the baby in a photograph. I figure he'll be able to avoid holding her forever after this, and we'll have proof to the baby that at some time, Uncle Bro did hold her. Good 'nuff, right?
Bro took the baby and actually cradled her in his arms. I'm not entirely sure what happened next, because I think the brain will actually sometimes prevent oneself from remembering exactly what happened before a crisis. I know the baby was making some movement, and we'd been cracking jokes, and laughing so hard that most of us were practically falling off our chairs. I looked at my father, who was trying to cough through his laughter, and realized he was really red. I asked Dad if he was ok, and he shook his head NO, right as he began to literally fall off his chair towards my mother.
My mother has arthritis, and my father is not a small man. Mom pushed him with one hand back towards his chair as Hubby leaped from his chair to try to catch Dad. I said in a loud firm voice (I don't think I yelled it...Mom said later it was "textbook") for someone to call 911, and somehow shoved the stroller out of the way and didn't knock over my brother or the baby as I raced around the table.
You know how time stands still? Everything slows down to such a non-existent pace that you just suddenly see everything around you? The whole room of the restaurant was slowed way down. Strangers were shoving back their chairs with horrified expressions on their faces, and a man was suddenly behind my father with me on the side. I was contemplating how to lower my father to the ground because there was no way I could get around him for the Heimlich maneuver and I really thought he was choking on a crouton or something.
And just like that, Dad started to breathe again.
I don't think my mother will ever be the same. I'm not sure Bro will ever be the same. I'm not sure about Hubby either. In retrospect, I've always known that God teaches us lessons at all sorts of opportunities, and I learned that as scared as I may be, I will not just sit still...
We also learned that God always surrounds us. A while later, the man that had magically appeared behind my father came up to us and told us that he was with Santa Fe Sheriff's Department and recently became a chaplain--he told us that he was really glad he didn't have to use his training to help Dad...and we're all grateful that we didn't need neither his first aid/CPR training nor his chaplain services.
So while the restaurant had a family joke name before, it's a little too close to home now. And I'm pretty sure it'll be a long time before we enter its doors.
So my whole goal of the evening was to catch "Uncle" Bro holding the baby in a photograph. I figure he'll be able to avoid holding her forever after this, and we'll have proof to the baby that at some time, Uncle Bro did hold her. Good 'nuff, right?
Bro took the baby and actually cradled her in his arms. I'm not entirely sure what happened next, because I think the brain will actually sometimes prevent oneself from remembering exactly what happened before a crisis. I know the baby was making some movement, and we'd been cracking jokes, and laughing so hard that most of us were practically falling off our chairs. I looked at my father, who was trying to cough through his laughter, and realized he was really red. I asked Dad if he was ok, and he shook his head NO, right as he began to literally fall off his chair towards my mother.
My mother has arthritis, and my father is not a small man. Mom pushed him with one hand back towards his chair as Hubby leaped from his chair to try to catch Dad. I said in a loud firm voice (I don't think I yelled it...Mom said later it was "textbook") for someone to call 911, and somehow shoved the stroller out of the way and didn't knock over my brother or the baby as I raced around the table.
You know how time stands still? Everything slows down to such a non-existent pace that you just suddenly see everything around you? The whole room of the restaurant was slowed way down. Strangers were shoving back their chairs with horrified expressions on their faces, and a man was suddenly behind my father with me on the side. I was contemplating how to lower my father to the ground because there was no way I could get around him for the Heimlich maneuver and I really thought he was choking on a crouton or something.
And just like that, Dad started to breathe again.
I don't think my mother will ever be the same. I'm not sure Bro will ever be the same. I'm not sure about Hubby either. In retrospect, I've always known that God teaches us lessons at all sorts of opportunities, and I learned that as scared as I may be, I will not just sit still...
We also learned that God always surrounds us. A while later, the man that had magically appeared behind my father came up to us and told us that he was with Santa Fe Sheriff's Department and recently became a chaplain--he told us that he was really glad he didn't have to use his training to help Dad...and we're all grateful that we didn't need neither his first aid/CPR training nor his chaplain services.
So while the restaurant had a family joke name before, it's a little too close to home now. And I'm pretty sure it'll be a long time before we enter its doors.
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