Friday, September 28, 2007

Family Ties

There are a million stories I can (and most undoubtedly will) tell, and I'll try not to put them all in this post. Basically, my grandmother (the only grandparent that I still have alive) is aging, and with her Parkinson's and the Dementia that she has that is rapidly progressing, it was time to have her placed in an assisted living facility. Consequently, Mom and Dad drove to Baltimore, and I flew out and drove home with them after we packed Granny up.

Let's just say that putting someone you love in a tiny room that's "NOT a nursing home" but that's not home is very difficult. I know it was miserable for me, and I imagine that it was a million times harder for Mom. For years, Granny has begged us not to put her in a nursing home, and the assisted living facility is not a nursing home, but it is a home with nurses and health aides and everything is monitored. Further, Granny had lived in her home for 58 years, through the deaths of both her husbands, raised two children and one grandchild, watched the world change as her neighborhood changed, and spent all of her adult life in this house.

It's also not easy to watch someone you love deteriorate, both physically and mentally. It's particularly scary when you realize that this could be you in another 50 years.

So I went to try to ease the situation for both Granny and for my mother. I'm not so sure I did anything for either of them. A little bit of background info on my family is that in addition to the medical issues for Granny, there's also family drama everywhere....I have an aunt that is not the best example of what a person should be that's fleecing Granny of every nickel and dime that she's ever saved--which Granny freely hands over fistful after fistful--and is married to an honest to God mental patient; a cousin that's trying so hard to get away from his mother (said aunt) that he has changed all his numbers and hasn't contacted the family in months--enough months that we didn't even know that he has another child; and a great uncle that is very lonely and has discovered in the past 10 years or so that his life wasn't what it could have been or what he wanted it to be--so he struggles to control everyone else's life. It wasn't just a matter of trying to move Granny, but a matter of dealing with all of them and the constant drama that surrounds them. We watched my aunt remove a couple of hundred dollars in a matter of days from Granny. Aunt announced that she hunted Cousin down and told Cousin that we didn't want to see him--not at all true; in fact, my mother and father have acted as pseudo grandparents to my cousin's children and desperately wanted to see them, but couldn't reach Cousin as he's hiding from Granny and Aunt. Great Uncle is really distraught to see his sister, Granny, in the state she's in and is depressed enough that Aunt and Mom are worried about his well being. Granny can't keep track of days or conversations, sees hallucinations, and honestly believes that she should be going to the house although she falls on a regular basis and the house is full of stairs and other obstacles.

I really did not get to spend much time with anybody as I was packing and searching the house for the valuables and memories that couldn't be replaced if something should happen to the house now that it's empty (because we all know what a safe city Baltimore is). I think I spent maybe a total of 4 hours with Granny, about 30 minutes with Aunt and a different 30 minutes with Great Uncle. I wish I could have spent more--this is what's left of my family, and I don't really know any of them. To be honest, I don't think I want to know my aunt, but my great uncle is a fascinating man, and I enjoy conversations with him. I find it difficult to spend time with Granny because of what's changed due to her medical issues, but I wish I had had more of an occasion to try with her.

Growing up, I didn't know my family on either side very well--we lived out West and everyone else lived on the East Coast. I knew my paternal grandparents better because they came out West a couple of times a year, but my maternal grandparents came once and then not until I got married. We did go East once or twice a year until I was in high school and then I didn't go any more. Once I graduated high school, I made an effort to go East myself and to see family, but that was only once a year or so. I've always envied those with close extended family. As my in- laws and I can't seem to get along with each other (probably because although we live less than a mile away from each other and my husband and I have been together for going on 9 years, there just hasn't been time to get to know each other--according to my MIL and FIL, it's not that they don't like me, but that they don't know me), it appears that should I ever have children, they won't have an extended family either. I guess it's just really hit hard, and picking through my grandmother's memories hasn't made it any easier.

On a more cheerful note, I did have a chance to visit with my Aunt and Uncle from my father's side of the family. That Aunt and I exchange e-mails every now and then, and I hadn't seen them since my father's father passed away back in 1994. I actually don't know if my Uncle came to the services then, but I don't remember him at all. They are a hoot--think New York, think Italian, and think fun--that explains them. They brought my cousin's baby, their newest grandchild, with them from NY and spent a couple of hours with us in Baltimore. They have invited/encouraged me to visit them at their home in Florida, and if I can figure out when I'll be able to do so, I'd love to see them again. I don't want to lose a chance to get to know any of my family, and other than occasional generic e-mails/Christmas cards, I don't have contact with anyone from my father's family since his parents passed away.

The other thing that keeps sticking out in my mind is that family is not just by blood, and I have been truly blessed to have a number of brothers and sisters by choice. I guess I really do have a large extended family in the ways that matter most--by love.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

What's Wrong with Us--an Update

Just a quick update about our health woes--thanks to everyone that commented here or e-mailed us :)

We've often wondered what's wrong with us, and after the trip, I wondered more than usual! However, my stitches did come out last Thursday as planned, and while I sport a nasty scabby mass on the side of my foot, I can walk normal, and even was able to wear those sexy combat boots with my uniform to work most of last rotation....of course, if I'd had to put those boots to use, I don't that I could have, but that has nothing to do with my injury. And if anyone can explain to me why I have to wear those boots (or the tactical pants for that matter), when I sit on the 2nd story of a "bullet-proof" room where you can't get in without a tank to get through the gate (well, it's probably not that strong--and the bullet-proof part we've always wanted to test) or a security card, I'd appreciate it! But again, I'm off track.

Hubby saw the doctor who thinks he just strained some neck muscles, and gave hubby Percocet, so he's REALLY just fine :) Actually, hubby hasn't complained in a while, and he's playing paintball sometime soon, so I'm guessing he's fine. I doubt he asked about the twitching thing, but I assume it's just a normal reaction, as I've heard others do so also.

So we're back to our semi-normal selves. You know, fat, dumb and always bitchy--well, in my case :)

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Priceless

Airline Tickets to Savannah, GA for 2: $780.00

Hotel Stay in Historic District for 6 nights: $700.00

Rental Car (upgraded to a fun Mustang so we can be cool): $300

Trip to the Ocean: $150.00 and counting...

Making Marriage Memories: Priceless

We're finally home, safe and sound and almost in one piece. Savannah is gorgeous, HOT, delicious, scary, fun and expensive! Here's how it went down:

Arrived on Wednesday after a million hours on a tiny plane. Ok, so not a million, but we were on a smaller jet, an "express jet" from Houston to Savannah, and it felt tiny and after the fact that we'd been awake since 3 am Mountain time, it felt like a long trip. I couldn't wait for hubby to see the ocean, so we checked in (score one for the hotel--valet parking is included in the hotel room; score two for the hotel--there was a garden whirlpool tub in the room separate from the bathroom) and I dragged hubby off to Tybee Island. We hit the sand, right before sunset, and I did everything but shove hubby into the Atlantic. It was perfect weather, and we agreed that it stinks that I forgot the camera, but we'd buy a fake-er, disposable, camera and recreate the moment that he saw the ocean for the first time again. We went to a crab shack--neither of us eats crab. In fact, neither of us really cares for seafood at all. I was adventurous, and I had a crab and shrimp Au gratin (still don't like shrimp, and I hate to confess, but I think I prefer imitation crab) while hubby had ribs. We were bit by all sorts of bugs (guess what else I forgot to pack?), so we ended the night with a soak in the garden whirlpool tub watching the boob-tube.

So we were full of energy and ready to hit the streets the next morning. We took a narrated tour on a trolley, and then I again couldn't stand being so close to water and not being in it. Added to that which someone forgot to pack was swimsuits, so off to Walmart we went. And really, what is a vacation without at least one Walmart run? So we grabbed suits, sunscreen and bug spray (see, thinking ahead!) and returned to the beach with ample time to swim and return to clean up for a murder mystery cruise we were booked for that night on the Savannah River. After two hours of frolicking in the waves, swallowing salt water, spotting a shark fin (which it turned out upon closer inspection, was a dolphin! I had no idea they were in the Atlantic! See how deprived we are being so stinking far away from the ocean?)and getting sunburned (80 minutes of continuous coverage is not quite enough for us...who wanted to get out?), we were about to get out when I just wanted to "jump" a few more waves, and in coming down, cut the bejeezers out of my foot on something sharp and excruciatingly painful. I grabbed my foot (almost drowned while trying to sit down in a wave) and hubby helped me to my feet (well, to my foot) as I hobbled up out of the waves leaving a bloody stream on the beach behind me. Hubby thought I was being a baby, but he gave me his beloved Chicago Bear's t-shirt which I bleed through in a bunch of spots, and tried to flag down the Fire/Rescue/Lifeguards that were driving around the beach for a band aid.

Southerners are known for their hospitality, but apparently, Fire/Rescue/Lifeguards are not Southerners, or they haven't been properly instructed that a man waving his arms over his head repeatedly and drawing the attention of other beach goers may need assistance. Good thing nobody was drowning, because they drove by--twice.

We went back to the hotel (not as easy as it sounds because we were trying to keep sand out of the cut but all I had were my flip flops, and hubby left me to soak clean the cut in the tub while he hiked to the CVS to buy band aids. I called my mommy for advice, thinking I needed a tetanus shot (who knows what's in the ocean?), and sympathy, and after she consulted with her nurse, she called me back and told me to go NOW to the Urgent Care for a shot. This began the battle with the insurance companies (this is why both hubby and I carry full insurance on each other--my HMO that covers more in my state wouldn't cover anything other than a full steam emergency in another state, but hubby's insurance said go here and agreed to pay--and gave us numbers of multiple providers in the area), and after some time we headed off into unknown parts of Savannah. Note--this was at 7 pm and our cruise started at 9 pm. We were in evening attire and I was (hoping against hope) carrying my heels as we entered the Urgent Care place.

Sure enough, the doctor wanted a tetanus shot and to clean the wound herself. In doing so, she apparently shocked herself and hubby at the depth of the cut (I know I'm a drama queen, but I'm not that good of a liar, and I was secretly relieved that I was not being over dramatic with the cut). Shocked hubby to the point where the next thing I know, hubby is bumping into the sink and then I realize that he (all 6 feet 4 inches, 250 pounds) is headed directly for the doctor (all 5 foot nothing, maybe 100 pounds) head first. Sure enough, hubby is lying face plant on the floor where he landed so that the doctor was on her rear, holding the tweezers/scalpel thingy in the air and saying "Okay" over and over, like she's reassuring herself. Hubby jerks while he's coming to and looks like he's having a seizure. Nurses and aides are running to the room and I'm trying to pick up equipment that has scattered as hubby went down. I say his name, and hubby looks surprised and says "Ow" in what has to be the understatement of the year. Nurse scrapes him off the floor and puts him in a chair and doctor says to me "it's quite a bit deeper that I thought and I think it's deeper than what he thought" and decides to stitch me up while the nurse attacks hubby with a tetanus shot of his own and ice packs. I think we made quite an impression.

So off we tottered to Target to fill prescriptions for me, and then it was on to dinner--to heck with the cruise. I drove, as who knows what really caused the fall of hubby...we had had a late breakfast and skipped lunch in favor of the ocean, and had only drank maybe a bottle of water between us, so I imagine that dehydration, low blood sugar and sun contributed to the shock of the sight of the inside of my foot. Hubby sports a lovely bruise on one arm and a big cut on the other arm, along with a cut on his lip. I sport a lovely bandage and the inability to walk.

Needless to say, Savannah is a walking town, and we spent the remainder of the trip in a car or on a trolley. Hubby spent a good portion applying creams of wonder to my foot and wrapping my foot, as well as holding me upright as the antibiotic makes me dizzy. I spent a good portion wondering if he would pass out again (the shaking as he came to and the twitching seriously make me freak about a serious problem--and he is still getting searing pains through his head to the point where we made an appointment from the Houston airport for him to go to the doctor) and trying to stand on one foot. For those of you that haven't seen me, I'm too big to imitate a flamingo.

We did do a ghost tour that let us into a house where the Ghost Hunters from the Sci Fi channel show (I know that's not really their real name because hubby keeps muttering TAPS at me, but I don't know what that means), and we were able to take the murder mystery cruise tickets and turn them into a moonlight cruise, which we enjoyed. We saw the Pirate House, which is supposed to be the inspiration for the Pirates of the Caribbean, and attended a murder mystery dinner there. We toured Juliette Gordon Low's home and had a carriage tour of the historic district. We ate at The Lady and Sons (Paula Deen!) and shopped in her store. We toured the oldest African American church in the nation that was built by slaves for slaves and used in the Underground Railroad. We walked River Street. We ate some more. It was a wonderful trip, and a truly memorable trip for more than one reason :)

Now it's back to the real world. Hubby works tomorrow, and I'm trying to stay up to acclimate myself back into the graveyard schedule. Hubby sees the doctor on Friday and I get the stitches out tomorrow...hopefully both will bear good news and we will keep the good memories of Savannah and this will just be a passing laughing memory next year.

Of course, next year, we're thinking of going camping in Utah, so only God knows what will happen there!