So I may be the saddest person on Earth...I sincerely remember LOVING high school. In fact, I remember loving it so much that I have gone to Homecoming parades and games ever since high school (which was long enough ago that I'm embarrassed to tell because it just reminds me how old I am becoming...but that's another post another day). For the past several years I have forced my sorority sisters to dress themselves and their children and spouses in Topper colors and to brave the cold afternoons/evenings in the spirit of celebrating with the town Homecoming--it doesn't even matter to me that a number of my sorority sisters aren't from here and weren't Toppers; I've made them honorary Toppers.
Let's pause here for a moment, while we discuss what a truly ridiculous thing a Topper is. Legend has it that millions of years ago (OK, so the town is just now approaching 60 years, so it couldn't be "millions" of years ago), the high school mascot was actually a top hat and cane. That's absurd enough--how do you dress up like the mascot?--but apparently it was offensive, as if those of us in Podunk were rubbing in the status of being better off than 90% of New Mexico*, and the Hilltopper mascot changed into this big, hairy red-headed man that stood on top of a mountain with his hands held out to the side. That then became an issue, because the man's hands were reported to be shaped so that he was passing on a racist slogan. The artist had painted the forefinger angled out with the middle and ring finger together and the pinkie out stretched so that it could be argued that his hand was arched as if making a "W", and that offended somebody that obviously had way too much time on HIS hands, because he thought it stood for White Supremacy**. So the Hilltopper is now a large hairy red-headed man on a mountain with all five fingers distinctively drawn out on both hands. Needless to say, nobody dresses up like this mascot either.
Instead, students, staff, alumni and the town have embraced the Topper colors, green and gold. Over the years there have been arguments about whether the green is forest green or Kelly green, and whether the gold is truly a golden yellow or just yellow, but as long as you're in some sort of green and some sort of yellow, we'll embrace you as a Topper.
Homecoming in Podunk is a huge deal. I love Podunk this time of year, because of the town bonding over Homecoming. The schools let out a little after noon, and most shops in town come to a standstill while the staff and patrons meander out to our Central Avenue (really is in the center of town) and watch all the organizations march with floats enthusiastically cheering on the current theme of "Lasso the Losers" or "Eliminate the Enemy" (no, we've never actually had those themes--that would be RUDE, and a big hairy red-headed man is not rude) and tossing candy to the children that are everywhere.
Typically, my mom and I watch the parade together, dressed in green and gold (I even humiliate Hubby by breaking out his Letterman jacket that's so old it's losing its pins), whether we're joined by the sorority sisters and their children or not. Immediately following the parade, I usually race home and load up a truck with my grill and goodies and head to the parking lot by the town's football field, where I'm joined by other crazy tailgaters (no alcohol allowed, as we're within so many feet of school property) until the sorority ladies trickle in with their families. We all then don face paint and pom-poms and race into the stands so we can freeze together and mainly not watch the game***, but visit with others around us that come out once a year for this occasion. We sing the fight song loudly and off key****--again, humiliating Hubby who usually is trying to watch the game with whatever other poor long suffering husband got suckered into attending with us--and have a great time.
This year, however, for the first time in 15 years, I did not attend the parade or the game. Instead, I had to work--and it was with great force that my supervisor got me into work, I'll confess (actually, it only took an e-mail saying "you will work" and my need for some sleep between shifts). I didn't see any floats. I didn't eat any hot dogs. I didn't catch up with the other alumni that turn out (there are a surprisingly large number of us). I didn't put on any face paint. Instead, I put on my green work uniform shirt and my khaki BDUs (the closest I can get to green and gold and still comply with the uniform requirements. My super awesome sorority secret sister made me a little Topper spirited koozy for my coke cans (it's green with pom-pom like stuff attached to the sides!), and I brought that in to work with me. And I only had a little pity party for myself. And the officers and other dispatchers only laughed a little at me.
However, I like to think that my spirit transmitted over the radio waves, as the town was flying high due to the Toppers major win (30-0!). Go Toppers!
*Some jackass announced that 1 in 10 of those living in Podunk are millionaires...I don't to whom they are referring, as I know more than 10 people, and most of us are paycheck to paycheck thanks to this circulating belief that we can afford milk that's $4.79 a gallon or spend $300/month for keeping the thermostat at 65 degrees (and that drops to 55 degrees after 10 pm because Hubby freaks over the bill!) for a 1078 square foot condo, because we're millionaires...it's an evil cycle!
**Before living in Podunk, I lived in some big cities--like Denver, the city that the Neo-Nazis were at one point trying to make a strong presence in--and, despite this jerk's insistence that everyone knew it was a White Supremacy sign, I had, and still have never have, heard anything of the sort. It's a good thing we're all millionaires, since we had to chip in our tax dollars to get the mascot repainted...
***Podunk isn't like other small towns with our high school football obsession--we only obsess at Homecoming and if we make it to the State Championships.
****Lyrics available.
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