When My Will May Not Match His Will

I just realized in responding to an e-mail that my will may not match His will. His being God's. And that's my whole problem.

It's so hard to picture my smart, beautiful, elegant, graceful, funny, confident friend in pain. She just had a Stage IV high-grade glioma tumor removed. That's a form of cancer. In the brain. My friend, my sorority sister, is only 35.

The poor friend that's been placed as the in-between had to be the bearer of bad news about my sister. As she was bearing the bad news, she encouraged everyone to have a positive attitude. And while she's right that encouragement helps, it's not enough.

We need God.

I was explaining to my mother that this may very well be the best chance I have to witness to my friends. I've never been very preachy at them--they know I follow Christ. I try to be an example of Him in my actions. And my sister is also a sister in Christ, beyond being my friend. I find myself sending my friends e-mails like if I continuously state that God's in control, we'll all believe it more.

I know she's in His hands, and that this is His plan. I don't understand the plan. I don't understand why His way is such an awful, black way. I KNOW that God's plan is always perfect, always beautiful and always because He loves us. I just don't understand why His will has to be something that I don't understand, and why something so ugly has to happen to fulfill it.

Ever tried to explain to someone, especially someone that's not a believer, that because God loves us, because He planned our lives before we were even a twinkle in our parents' eyes, because He wants only the best for His children, that terrible things happen? Ever tried to find a way to comfort someone who can't understand that the only comfort is that this is God's will? Ever tried to reconcile within yourself what happens if His will is not my will? Ever tried to praise Him regardless?

I'm trying. I'm praying for understanding, or peace, or comfort, or a clear cut way to be whatever role I need to be during this time. There's an incredible song that keeps coming to me, by MercyMe. I know I'm one of the guilty ones that only really turns loudly to God when things are miserable. The truth is that God loves us in good times, and in bad times, and forever and ever. His love is more precious than words can describe. And if it takes something like this to remind me of His power, His love, and His grace--so be it. Bring the Rain, Lord, Bring the rain.

Bring The Rain ------MercyMe

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above
Because you are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
Suffering your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
is the lord God almighty
is the lord God almighty
I'm forever singing

[2x]

everybody singing
Holy holy holy
you are holy you are holy

[2nd Chorus 2x]