This was the first shift where a baby has died.
I realize that I'm very fortunate that in six years as an emergency dispatcher, I've never lost a child, much less a baby. I've lost many adults (and some that were children of the caller), and I've had to begin CPR instructions several times. I've heard terrible scenes unfold over the radio and the phone. But I've never lost a baby.
I didn't even take the call. My partner, a fairly new dispatcher, rocked the call. She was amazing. Great poise, great control. She's a single mom of a small child, and I know it was really, really hard for her. She was fantastic.
I obviously didn't respond to the scene. Three officers, two with children, and one without, responded. Multiple firefighters/EMTs/paramedics, some with and some without children at home, responded. The first officer was greeted with the mother and the not-breathing, not- responding baby, and escorted the ambulance and fire engines to the hospital. The fire department didn't even pause at the house; they simply grabbed the child and transported to the hospital, working all the way. All the responders were fantastic.
I simply handled the radio traffic and the subsequent calls. As I tried to explain to the chaplains tonight that were debriefing us, I really thought I was fine until I heard from one of my responders, and I knew he was not fine; he was devastated. And that devastated me.
The whole chaplain/debriefing situation is fairly new to us. We spend most of our careers at the worst point of people's lives, and once one call is finished, there's another call waiting. We don't always have the chance to recover from one call before something else rolls in. And in my part of the field, I don't get to know the outcome of the call, or what really happened. All I have is my imagination, based on what the caller told me, the caller's tone of voice, the officer or firefighter's tone of voice, and past experience. And in calls like this call, my officer's voice over the radio told me immediately that he was shaken. It wasn't his words (he just said he was with the mother), it was the tone and hours I've spent with him, talking with him and building a relationship with him so that past experience told me it was bad.
I don't know how many of the officers really wanted to be debriefed. It goes against everything we've been taught--the old school just be callous and roll on train of thought. The fire department is great about debriefing, and the chaplains had already been with them after the call. It happened at our shift change(both my partner and I and my officers), and the chaplains came back for us when we reported back to duty. The officers trekked into dispatch, where we and the chaplains had already talked for about a half an hour. One officer was open, and the other two were silent. Pain rolled off of them in large waves. They didn't say much, but just the act of them responding for us--and I really do believe that they responded to check on my partner and I--spoke volumes. We've had some disagreements with this team of officers, but in a moment of crisis, it's all gone. When it was said and done, I know that they care about me, and that our "family" is back. Out of so much pain, anger and ultimately death, comes strength and love.
I hope this never happens again. Unfortunately, it will. As will many other, terrible calls. And I have so much respect for those that choose to work in this field. We are truly blessed to have each other.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Barbies' Common Courtesy
So the last two days have been filled with conspiracies to make me go off the deep end. Every little thing that would normally cause me to flip my lid, blow my gasket, whatever the saying, seemed to pop up within a 48 hour period.
I've been used to having the whole building we live in to ourselves. For the past four or five years, we really didn't have immediate neighbors in the unit next to ours. The few that did venture to live there really weren't that noticeable--well, other than last summer when a construction crew rented the unit, partied every night, yelled at each other, trashed the yard with broken beer bottles, and left cigarette butts every where. So anyway, long story short is that the unit was foreclosed on and sold to a couple from another town--the couple that wanted to tear down our nice, brand new fence. I got home yesterday to discover that they had erected a four foot high post in the dirt patch that sits between our units, attached a piece of lattice work to create a "fence" and had covered the sewage clean outs with small rocks. It looks nice, but they did not get our permission to erect the thingy, and I'm not sure we would have agreed to the covering of the clean outs. We have this ridiculous Condominium Association, and it has bylaws and declarations and the whole nine yards. I know that the new owners have the documents--I gave them the documents. Would it have killed them to ask us our thoughts? What happened to common courtesy?
So onto the next units. They too were foreclosed on and sold. The new owners there are trying to better the property--YES! Someone else to help foot the bill that we've been paying!--and have made numerous changes--asking for permission along the way. They have a contractor that's doing a good portion of the work. Hubby had gotten permission from everyone to put up these solar lights to light the pathway. Not a bad idea, especially since some of the steps are crumbling. The end units and their contractor have managed to bust two lights. The first busted light, the owner confessed to, and we said no big deal. The latest busted light the contractor put on the porch of one of the units and has not said one word to us. If we had busted something of theirs, we would have mentioned it. What happened to common courtesy?
After discovering the trouble with the neighbors, I opened a credit card statement and nearly had a heart attack. In April, I attended a direct sales shopping moment, and purchased over $300 in clothing. The show was on the 27th. In May, I discovered that the credit card showed the same charge by the same company on the 27th and the 29th. I had contacted the consultant--I used to be a direct sales consultant and hated when the customer contacted the company without giving me a chance to find the problem, and I wanted her to know I appreciated her as a consultant--and the consultant said that she was on vacation, and couldn't look into it until she returned. When she returned, she e-mailed me that the company only saw the charge once, and didn't know why it posted twice and suggested I contact the credit card company. I did contact the credit card company, and they reversed the second charge while they researched the charge. The direct sales company then closed their doors. Sure enough, on this month's statement, I see where they reinstated the second charge. Never mind what my receipt says. Never mind that I only got one shipment of clothing. Never mind the little person got screwed. The credit card company never sent me any notice that their investigation was complete or of their findings. I tried to call, but the wait was "eight minutes or more," and after 10 minutes, I had to be at an appointment. I fired off an e-mail to the credit card company. I have heard nothing. What happened to common courtesy?
Finally, we had to go to Albuquerque for a doctor's appointment. Then I had to get blood work. We cleared the hospital at 4:00, and I have to be at work at 6:30. We live exactly two hours from the hospital. The fastest route is I-25 home. There was major congestion on I-25. No traffic accidents, no construction, no reasonable explanation for the 45 miles per hour drive from Albuquerque to Bernalillo. After we cleared that, we had maybe 10 miles before the speed dropped again. And then there was construction. Here's what really got me--it is apparently every New Mexican's God-given right to drive in the left lane. Never mind all the posted signs about slower traffic keep right. If you want to drive at 30 miles an hour LESS then the posted speed limit, please, by all means, drive in the left lane. It's against the law to pass on the right, so the rest of us will just plod along behind you. What happened to common courtesy?
When I was a child, I would sometimes picture mankind as barbie dolls. God would bend our legs, dress up, make us walk, everything little kids do with barbie dolls. I pictured Him pushing around cars on a track, just like Hot Wheels. I saw Him placing buildings around a map. However, I never imagined that God would allow us to be so doggone rude to each other.
I've been used to having the whole building we live in to ourselves. For the past four or five years, we really didn't have immediate neighbors in the unit next to ours. The few that did venture to live there really weren't that noticeable--well, other than last summer when a construction crew rented the unit, partied every night, yelled at each other, trashed the yard with broken beer bottles, and left cigarette butts every where. So anyway, long story short is that the unit was foreclosed on and sold to a couple from another town--the couple that wanted to tear down our nice, brand new fence. I got home yesterday to discover that they had erected a four foot high post in the dirt patch that sits between our units, attached a piece of lattice work to create a "fence" and had covered the sewage clean outs with small rocks. It looks nice, but they did not get our permission to erect the thingy, and I'm not sure we would have agreed to the covering of the clean outs. We have this ridiculous Condominium Association, and it has bylaws and declarations and the whole nine yards. I know that the new owners have the documents--I gave them the documents. Would it have killed them to ask us our thoughts? What happened to common courtesy?
So onto the next units. They too were foreclosed on and sold. The new owners there are trying to better the property--YES! Someone else to help foot the bill that we've been paying!--and have made numerous changes--asking for permission along the way. They have a contractor that's doing a good portion of the work. Hubby had gotten permission from everyone to put up these solar lights to light the pathway. Not a bad idea, especially since some of the steps are crumbling. The end units and their contractor have managed to bust two lights. The first busted light, the owner confessed to, and we said no big deal. The latest busted light the contractor put on the porch of one of the units and has not said one word to us. If we had busted something of theirs, we would have mentioned it. What happened to common courtesy?
After discovering the trouble with the neighbors, I opened a credit card statement and nearly had a heart attack. In April, I attended a direct sales shopping moment, and purchased over $300 in clothing. The show was on the 27th. In May, I discovered that the credit card showed the same charge by the same company on the 27th and the 29th. I had contacted the consultant--I used to be a direct sales consultant and hated when the customer contacted the company without giving me a chance to find the problem, and I wanted her to know I appreciated her as a consultant--and the consultant said that she was on vacation, and couldn't look into it until she returned. When she returned, she e-mailed me that the company only saw the charge once, and didn't know why it posted twice and suggested I contact the credit card company. I did contact the credit card company, and they reversed the second charge while they researched the charge. The direct sales company then closed their doors. Sure enough, on this month's statement, I see where they reinstated the second charge. Never mind what my receipt says. Never mind that I only got one shipment of clothing. Never mind the little person got screwed. The credit card company never sent me any notice that their investigation was complete or of their findings. I tried to call, but the wait was "eight minutes or more," and after 10 minutes, I had to be at an appointment. I fired off an e-mail to the credit card company. I have heard nothing. What happened to common courtesy?
Finally, we had to go to Albuquerque for a doctor's appointment. Then I had to get blood work. We cleared the hospital at 4:00, and I have to be at work at 6:30. We live exactly two hours from the hospital. The fastest route is I-25 home. There was major congestion on I-25. No traffic accidents, no construction, no reasonable explanation for the 45 miles per hour drive from Albuquerque to Bernalillo. After we cleared that, we had maybe 10 miles before the speed dropped again. And then there was construction. Here's what really got me--it is apparently every New Mexican's God-given right to drive in the left lane. Never mind all the posted signs about slower traffic keep right. If you want to drive at 30 miles an hour LESS then the posted speed limit, please, by all means, drive in the left lane. It's against the law to pass on the right, so the rest of us will just plod along behind you. What happened to common courtesy?
When I was a child, I would sometimes picture mankind as barbie dolls. God would bend our legs, dress up, make us walk, everything little kids do with barbie dolls. I pictured Him pushing around cars on a track, just like Hot Wheels. I saw Him placing buildings around a map. However, I never imagined that God would allow us to be so doggone rude to each other.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
God Speed
God has an interesting way of putting things into perspective for us.
Here I am, careening down the main drag to go to another town with my girlfriend, worrying about the fact that we are incurring an approximately $400-500 cost a month, and that the dog has to have surgery done on top of that charge to the tune of another $500, and I have no idea where I'm going to discover a magic $1,000 extra in our monthly budget this month, when I realize that all the other cars are slowing down and driving doggone close to the ridiculous 40 miles per hour posted. As I turn to my girlfriend to say, bet there's a speed trap ahead, I realize that the nice officer with the radar gun is tuned on my vehicle, and I am not going the posted speed limit. I say to my friend, we're going to get pulled over, and sure enough, here comes the friendly officer behind me.
Yup, while I'm worrying and fretting about money, I received a $65 ticket. It should have been $80, but the officer told me that honesty goes a long way and docked 5 miles off my speed.
Ironic thoughts are that in Podunk, the ticket would have been more than double that. Of course, in Podunk, I'm not so sure I would have gotten a ticket.
Here I am, careening down the main drag to go to another town with my girlfriend, worrying about the fact that we are incurring an approximately $400-500 cost a month, and that the dog has to have surgery done on top of that charge to the tune of another $500, and I have no idea where I'm going to discover a magic $1,000 extra in our monthly budget this month, when I realize that all the other cars are slowing down and driving doggone close to the ridiculous 40 miles per hour posted. As I turn to my girlfriend to say, bet there's a speed trap ahead, I realize that the nice officer with the radar gun is tuned on my vehicle, and I am not going the posted speed limit. I say to my friend, we're going to get pulled over, and sure enough, here comes the friendly officer behind me.
Yup, while I'm worrying and fretting about money, I received a $65 ticket. It should have been $80, but the officer told me that honesty goes a long way and docked 5 miles off my speed.
Ironic thoughts are that in Podunk, the ticket would have been more than double that. Of course, in Podunk, I'm not so sure I would have gotten a ticket.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Traveling Tethered to Another Man
It's very rare that I see a man and a woman eating a meal together that I don't assume that they are together as a couple in love. Put that man and that woman at a hotel together, and it's rare that I don't assume there's more than meets the eye. Replace that man with one missing his chica because he's homesick and miles away man, and replace the woman with me, and I am disgusted that people automatically think this way. Ironic, I know. From now on, I will try to assume that a man and a woman eating together may just be making the best out of an awkward situation.
I knew the minute the department told me that we would be traveling together that I was about to become a huge burden. I'm bitchy, perpetually tired, stressed out and, oh yeah, a female. Put me in a car for hours, stick me in a town smaller than Podunk, and tell me that I'm the only non-cop at a training where I have to be on my best behavior and remember I represent a whole stinking department, and I'm a double dose of whiny. Add to it that law enforcement is a pretty tight community and that when a cop can get away and hang out with other cops from other places, no cop wants to be linked to any non-cop that's not their family...especially when the non-cop doesn't drink. Who wouldn't want to put me in their unit and run away with me?
I seriously worried about this, and tried everything short of giving up the class (which I really needed to advance my career), and everything fell on deaf ears. Officer told me not to worry about it, and swore that it wouldn't be any big deal to be tethered to me for 16 hours out of a day. We've worked together for about two years, and we're friendly enough that I bitch and moan at him when we're on shift together. It couldn't be too awkward to travel with a man that was not Hubby, right? No big deal. So off we went.
Officer retrieved me from my parents' house (it was Mom's birthday) and as Hubby walked me out, one of the Parental Unit made a comment about flashing back to seeing me off on a date...that set the mood :) Officer didn't say anything about it, and we were off Sunday night, into a week of assumptions from other people.
We went everywhere together. He had to go to Walmart, so we went to the nearest town together. We attended class together, sat by each other, ate every meal together...there was nowhere close to the hotel, and we had to drive to another town to find food. I learned a lot about him thanks to the time we were together. I would wager he learned more about me than he ever wanted to know. It's weird to travel with a co-worker to begin with. Make that co-worker a member of the opposite sex, and somehow things just feel odd.
It's double weird because I spend more time with officers than I do with Hubby just due to my work schedule v. Hubby's work schedule. I think that's why officers form bonds with other officers, firefighters with other firefighters, etc. We have to become a family for the trust issues. We choose to become family because of the time we are together. We must make up the largest dysfunctional family ever, but we are a family. And the week with Officer--although awkward and odd at times--will have helped me build a bigger foundation of trust with Officer. I've totally got his back any time.
I think Officer was relieved to have Hubby meet us in Santa Fe to unload me. Lucky for Officer, he has to work with me tomorrow night for a 12-hour shift...and then he'll get a whole week before he has to see me again. Lucky for me, I have Hubby who will gladly resume the duties of listening to me bitch and moan, rant and rave. And while Officer had to fill the role of listener because he had to be tethered to me, Hubby does it because he loves me. That's pretty sweet.
I knew the minute the department told me that we would be traveling together that I was about to become a huge burden. I'm bitchy, perpetually tired, stressed out and, oh yeah, a female. Put me in a car for hours, stick me in a town smaller than Podunk, and tell me that I'm the only non-cop at a training where I have to be on my best behavior and remember I represent a whole stinking department, and I'm a double dose of whiny. Add to it that law enforcement is a pretty tight community and that when a cop can get away and hang out with other cops from other places, no cop wants to be linked to any non-cop that's not their family...especially when the non-cop doesn't drink. Who wouldn't want to put me in their unit and run away with me?
I seriously worried about this, and tried everything short of giving up the class (which I really needed to advance my career), and everything fell on deaf ears. Officer told me not to worry about it, and swore that it wouldn't be any big deal to be tethered to me for 16 hours out of a day. We've worked together for about two years, and we're friendly enough that I bitch and moan at him when we're on shift together. It couldn't be too awkward to travel with a man that was not Hubby, right? No big deal. So off we went.
Officer retrieved me from my parents' house (it was Mom's birthday) and as Hubby walked me out, one of the Parental Unit made a comment about flashing back to seeing me off on a date...that set the mood :) Officer didn't say anything about it, and we were off Sunday night, into a week of assumptions from other people.
We went everywhere together. He had to go to Walmart, so we went to the nearest town together. We attended class together, sat by each other, ate every meal together...there was nowhere close to the hotel, and we had to drive to another town to find food. I learned a lot about him thanks to the time we were together. I would wager he learned more about me than he ever wanted to know. It's weird to travel with a co-worker to begin with. Make that co-worker a member of the opposite sex, and somehow things just feel odd.
It's double weird because I spend more time with officers than I do with Hubby just due to my work schedule v. Hubby's work schedule. I think that's why officers form bonds with other officers, firefighters with other firefighters, etc. We have to become a family for the trust issues. We choose to become family because of the time we are together. We must make up the largest dysfunctional family ever, but we are a family. And the week with Officer--although awkward and odd at times--will have helped me build a bigger foundation of trust with Officer. I've totally got his back any time.
I think Officer was relieved to have Hubby meet us in Santa Fe to unload me. Lucky for Officer, he has to work with me tomorrow night for a 12-hour shift...and then he'll get a whole week before he has to see me again. Lucky for me, I have Hubby who will gladly resume the duties of listening to me bitch and moan, rant and rave. And while Officer had to fill the role of listener because he had to be tethered to me, Hubby does it because he loves me. That's pretty sweet.
Friday, July 11, 2008
More Adventures in the Land of Oz
Just returned home from a trip to another glamorous part of New Mexico. Actually, it was quite lovely where I was, although I have to confess it's another area I would never live in. God would have to do a lot of smacking me upside the head with a 2x4 to convince me to move there.
I'm a little hesitant to say too much about where I was...see the previous post. I gather that I really offended someone from another part of the state--which is never my intentions--and when that person commented that I was "mistaken" in my impressions, I did not take it very well...as may be apparent by the fact that I still have some bitterness in my tone.
I love that people stumble upon this blog, and I love that some even post comments. I just hope that people remember that this is my impression, my thoughts, my feelings, etc., and therefore, things should be taken as gospel. Okay, not really gospel, but the gospel according to Kate. I have never intended to drag down society, and believe it or not, I am fairly knowledgeable about some things, and sometimes I have done my homework before blasting off my thoughts.
That being said, I also don't believe in deleting anything from this blog. I did so once before, and I really regretted it, because selfishly, this is about my journey through life, and it can be fairly amusing to laugh at myself later.
So let's just say that I went somewhere for a week in this wonderful state. Some good came from it, some not so good came of it, and some that won't waiver me anyway came out of it. It rained (because we're finally in monsoon season) and flooded parts of the town I was nearby. It was not as dry as Deming or Silver City was just about three weeks ago. I had never been there, so it was an adventure. I doubt I'd ever return. And the whole purpose of the trip was for work purposes, and that was a waste of department time/taxpayer dollars. I think my partner in crime for the week and I just wanted to put on our fancy red shoes and chant "there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home" until we found ourselves with Toto in bed.
I'm a little hesitant to say too much about where I was...see the previous post. I gather that I really offended someone from another part of the state--which is never my intentions--and when that person commented that I was "mistaken" in my impressions, I did not take it very well...as may be apparent by the fact that I still have some bitterness in my tone.
I love that people stumble upon this blog, and I love that some even post comments. I just hope that people remember that this is my impression, my thoughts, my feelings, etc., and therefore, things should be taken as gospel. Okay, not really gospel, but the gospel according to Kate. I have never intended to drag down society, and believe it or not, I am fairly knowledgeable about some things, and sometimes I have done my homework before blasting off my thoughts.
That being said, I also don't believe in deleting anything from this blog. I did so once before, and I really regretted it, because selfishly, this is about my journey through life, and it can be fairly amusing to laugh at myself later.
So let's just say that I went somewhere for a week in this wonderful state. Some good came from it, some not so good came of it, and some that won't waiver me anyway came out of it. It rained (because we're finally in monsoon season) and flooded parts of the town I was nearby. It was not as dry as Deming or Silver City was just about three weeks ago. I had never been there, so it was an adventure. I doubt I'd ever return. And the whole purpose of the trip was for work purposes, and that was a waste of department time/taxpayer dollars. I think my partner in crime for the week and I just wanted to put on our fancy red shoes and chant "there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home" until we found ourselves with Toto in bed.
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